creating windows of excellence

"Greatness is not a function of circumstance.

Greatness, it turns out, is largely a matter of conscious choice, and discipline."
Jim Collins

"Freedom is only part of the story and half the truth. That is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast be supplanted by a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast."

Viktor Frankl

One of the great aches we face today is the ache of futility. 

We are constantly bombarded with such large challenges and issues that our lives can seem small and insignificant. 

Does anything we do really make a difference to anyone at all? 

Does God care, do our families care, do our churches care, and do our employers care? 

Below the surface of so much of the activity and forced smiles can be the sense that there isn’t really any point to anything we do.

We address this in Fighting Shadows, but I want to speak into it again here.

Part of the reason we feel this sense of futility is that it appears we can’t really change anything around us, and it seems nobody cares when we try.

Our choices are shaped by algorithms, our laws by politicians, and our work by bosses. 

It can often feel like our sense of agency is shrinking.

I reflected on this while re-reading Jim Collins' business classic Good to Great. You are probably familiar with some of the book's core concepts (Becoming a Level 5 Leader, The Hedgehog Concept, The Flywheel, etc.), but something different stood out to me this time—something that felt prescient for this moment. 

It was in the Q&A section of the book. It was about how to make a difference when you feel powerless. The dialogue went something like this: 

Q. How can you do something great when you are not in charge? 
Is good work really possible when you are just a cog in the wheel?

Jim Collins' answer:

A. Yes. Create a window of excellence wherever you are.

"Windows of excellence." I love this idea.

In New York City, one of the most important features of renting an apartment is the presence of natural light. People will turn down apartments without windows because they need light. Windows let in light and change the dynamic of dark rooms. 

We need men to create windows of excellence to let kingdom light into the darkness of this world. A small window of light can change any room. 
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You have probably encountered a window of excellence at some point in your life. The light of someone doing good, seemingly small work that lets the light into normal or frustrating situations.

• This is the mechanic who treats you with respect and reassures you that your car doesn’t need major work and that a simple oil change will do. They don’t upsell you; they serve you.

• This is the cashier at a coffee shop who asks about your day and remembers your order and your kids' names.

• It’s the teacher who turns their classroom into a portal of joy and encouragement for your kids when there is chaos all around.

• It's the single mom holding down two jobs, helping her kids read and put screens away when she is tired to the bone.

• It’s the executive who goes over the notes one final time to make sure the concepts are clear and concise.

A window of excellence may not seem dramatic, but it can be potent. 

Over time, it can fight futility by letting the light into the darkness around us. 
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CREATING WINDOWS OF EXCELLENCE

Here are a few framing thoughts on creating a window of excellence in your world today.

(1) CHANGE THE AUDIENCE OF YOUR LIFE

I haven’t always been a Pastor in New York City. Years back, I was an apprentice butcher at a meat wholesaler in Australia.  In case you are unaware, apprentices are not endowed with workplace power. They are at the bottom of the food chain, doing the unwanted and menial work. 

But as a new believer, I resolved to turn the butcher shop into a portal of heaven. I would get in early before the other workers, get on my knees, hold my knives up to God, and offer everything I did as an act of worship to Him. I wanted people to say...

"Those were the best sausages I have ever had."
"That was the best-marinated steak I have ever tasted."
"That was the friendliest butcher I have ever met."

"Jon is the most hardworking apprentice we have ever had."

I had an "Unto the Lord" orientation to my work, which steadied my heart and imbued significance into the most menial tasks. 

(2) FIGHT PASSIVITY WITH RUTHLESS ACTION

One of the Stoics' best practices was to divide life into two categories: that which we can control and that which we cannot control. 

"Do everything you can about what is in your control and ignore what you cannot control."

If you do this, you will learn that you have a tremendous amount of capacity, even when things feel futile. 

Think of Nelson Mandela in prison for 27 years, using this time to grow into the man who would become the leader of his nation. He read widely, cleaned his cell, wrote his biography (which he slowly smuggled out), dealt with the anger in his heart, and was formed into a leader of leaders.

Squire Bill Widener was the first to say, 

"Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are."

A prison cell, a vision, a new heart.

A ruthless commitment to action changed a prisoner into a president over time. 

(3) REMEMBER REDEMPTIVE HISTORY

It was Margaret Mead who said, 

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has."

The Harlem Renaissance occurred amidst widespread racial discrimination and segregation in the United States. Yet a window of excellence emerged in African American culture, bringing art, economics, intellectuals, and activists to the forefront.

During the collapse of the Roman Empire, St Benedict planted centers of learning, agriculture, and spiritual renewal in a time of utter chaos. Their disciplined pursuit of excellence in work and prayer preserved much of the Western culture we value today.

During Nazi rule in Germany, Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s Confessing Church stoodagainst the mediocrity and moral collapse of the state-aligned churches. Their theological depth and commitment to ethical integrity became a beacon of hope that still lets light into the church today.
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COMMIT TO EXCELLENCE

We often talk about the fact that we are living as cultural exiles today. We talk about the need to be distinct from the world around us. However, one of the least talked about features of living as an exile is our commitment to working with excellence. 

This is an overlooked component of Daniel's exilic influence. Daniel 6:3 notes,

"Now, Daniel so distinguished himself among the administrators and the satraps by his exceptional qualities that the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom."

Resolve in your heart that whatever you do will be done with excellence.

• Do the dishes with excellence

• Mow lines in your grass with excellence

• Do work projects with excellence

• Help your kids with their homework with excellence

• Serve in your church with excellence

• Manage your money with excellence

One of the easiest ways to stand out in our mediocre world is to do everything with excellence. 

Proverbs 22:29 says, "Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before unknown men."

Excellence is the way to distinguish yourself as a man today.
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STANDING IN THE LIGHT

Yesterday, I got to speak at Refined Technologies Inc. in Houston. Their CEO, Cody Nath, runs this company with a compelling redemptive framework. 

The highlight of my time there was attending the employee awards ceremony. Over 80% of the workforce in that department is made up of formerly incarcerated men. It’s a kingdom outpost in the middle of Houston’s oil and gas industry. 

I was talking with a man who had just gotten out of prison and was two months into his work there. He was a man who had resolve and hope.

I asked him what his vision was. 

"I want to get hired here full-time. I want to work hard and regain some dignity. I want to become an artisan who does my job well."

He had a sense of agency and was rebuilding his life with hope. But what he said next stunned me. 

"This place is a piece of heaven on earth. 

Look around. Look at all these men.

They are working well and feel good about themselves.

This doesn’t just happen anywhere else."

This man had built a window of excellence. 

And for a few minutes on a humid Tuesday afternoon in Houston, I got to stand in their light. 

Windows of excellence let kingdom light in. This is a way to bring heaven to earth.

I am committed to building windows of excellence with you.

Cheers. 

Jon.

how to actually be a good dad in these confusing times

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them.

Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord."

Ephesians 6:4

"Father, into your hands I commit my spirit."

Jesus

In almost every place I speak or teach to men, they always seem to bring it back to one area they need to process—their fathers.

Every father exerts a defining influence on their kids’ lives. 

By his presence or his absence, for good or for bad. Often, it’s for good and bad.

I wrote a book called The Intentional Father that shares my journey of trying to release generational blessings instead of generational curses. It’s called The Intentional Father, not The Perfect Father, because I believe the best we can do as dads is point to our heavenly Father in a way that makes our kids want to pursue God.

But as my kids (now adults) grow and build their own lives, I am still working to grow into the kind of father I want to be. One that helps them build their lives and legacy. One that doesn’t control, but empowers and blesses my kids. 

Turns out that’s harder than you think. Craig Lounsbrough writes, 

"The call of fatherhood is in fact a call of sacrifice, not in some heroic sense where a father is lifted high on some glowing pedestal with all of his sacrifices held up to the awe of those around him. Rather, it is a call that will cost him all that he has, that will be absent of accolades, where rewards will be sparse, and where he will someday find himself having spent all, but in the spending have gained everything. And this is the glory of fatherhood."

Sacrifice is the glory of fatherhood. 

I want to get better at that. 

But how?
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I have long admired Gordon McDonald for what he has written to men. A pastor and leader now in his 80s, I find a rare wisdom and depth in how he writes.

I remember reading his book A Resilient Life several years after I moved to New York to plant a church. As soon as I finished it, I started re-reading it, and several chapters brought me to tears. 

Something about his writing makes you feel like you are reading wisdom and advice from a father. A father who cares that you are doing okay, and cares about the outcome of your life. But I have wondered what exactly in his writing makes you feel this. What are the themes, the emphasis, and the spirit in which he shares?
                                                                                              
When going through some notes, I stumbled across a paragraph he wrote about what it means to be a father to others. What it means to extend care, blessing, and hope to those we are called to love and serve. He said,

"Don’t compete, don’t bore people with stories they haven’t asked to hear, don’t brag about your past. Just listen, encourage, cheer, offer your opinion (when asked), and be ready with a prayer for those who seek a blessing."

As I reflected on these thoughts, it became so clear that these very things are what makes his writing so meaningful. He is not trying to impress you with his depth of learning, wow you with heroics, or shame you for failure. He is calling you to keep going in spite of discouragement, play the long game, and reach for your redemptive potential. 

Here are some reflection questions from McDonald to think through this week: 

Am I competing with my kids or challenging them to become their best?
Let your kids run their own race. They are not a threat to your legacy; they are an extension of it. 

Am I boring them with my stories they didn’t ask for, or asking questions to find out what’s happening in their story?
The good old days probably weren’t that good. So much of culture has changed that the stories don’t transfer easily. Ask your kids about their story instead. I don’t want my kids rolling their eyes and going, "I’ve heard this one before."

Am I bragging about my past or learning about how they see the future?
So much of Gen Z's anxiety comes from having to live up to impossible standards set by culture. Try not to compound that with your own history. Help them walk in the good works God has for them. 

Do I default to lecturing or listening?
I can fall into "lecture mode" so easily as a dad. I am working on defaulting to question mode. Asking about what they are learning, loving, wrestling with, and enjoying instead of my own thoughts projected onto them.

Am I a source of encouragement or criticism?
Encouragement is spiritual adrenaline. I want to create an emotional field that they are drawn to because it will build them up, inspire them, and empower them to dream for more.

Am I cheering them on or critiquing their effort?
Knowing what your kids are into and giving them specific feedback and affirmation can make a world of difference. Celebrate the shots they make; overlook the ones they miss. 

Am I waiting to be invited or charging in without regard? 
Unless invited, opinions sound like lectures. I am working on clarifying my thoughts in advance so I can drop wisdom nuggets and not nostalgic ramblings when invited.

Am I more ready to pray or give my own advice?
I am working on memorizing key prayers and verses from the Bible so I can pray the promises over my kids and not just my own reflections. Rich prayer leads to rich fruit.

Am I releasing or holding back blessings in their lives?
I want to bless my kids for who they are, not what they do. I want them to feel my affection, affirmation, and attention so they know how much I am for them. 

May God give us grace to bless, not wound, heal, and not harm, and help the next generation become all God has destined them to be.

We need fathers in the church. 
We need fathers in the world. 
We need fathers in the home.
We need biological fathers, adoptive fathers, spiritual fathers, stepfathers, mentors, coaches, and fill-in fathers as well.

Children are a heritage from the Lord. 
Praying he gives you wisdom, patience, and love to steward yours well. 

Cheers. 

Jon.

how to fight weariness and exhaustion

"An action of small value performed with much love of God is far more excellent than one of a higher virtue, done with less love of God."

St. Francis de Sales

Do not let your hearts be troubled.

Jesus

   

So many of us today are weary.

We are experiencing exhaustion at almost every level.

Physical exhaustion. Mental exhaustion. Emotional exhaustion. Socialexhaustion. Existential exhaustion. Vocational exhaustion. Compassionexhaustion. Justice exhaustion. Digital exhaustion. Creative exhaustion. Culturalexhaustion. Spiritual exhaustion.

That was exhausting to read.

If we were writing the gospel of modern humanity today, it would say something like this…

“By this will all men know that you are being discipled by the culture--your weariness and exhaustion.”

This pressure can weigh our hearts down and paralyze us.

Jesus warned us against this in Luke 21:34.

“Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness, and the anxieties of life.”

The word used in Greek to describe this ‘weighing down” is bareō. Part of its meaning is the idea of becoming sleepy. We see this with the disciples in Luke 22:45. 

“When He rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, He found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow.”

Exhausted from sorrow. That’s what many of us feel like.
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Part of the exhaustion stems from the expectations the culture puts on us. We are constantly told we should do something about everything.

But this is impossible. 

You can’t save America from Trump or Kamala.
You can’t close the economic gap.
You can’t stop the melting of the ice caps.
You can’t fix educational inequality in the nation.
You can’t get rid of toxic technology and go back in time.

Yeah??? 

Says who?

Reality.

To be clear, I’m not pushing fatalism and passivity. I’m pushing discernment and responsibility.

You are not accountable to do the will of the whole world. 
You are just accountable to do the will of God for your life.

This is how Jesus lived. In John 17, he told the Father, “I have finished the work you gave me to do.”

Considering the scope of the needs of His day, Jesus did precious little in the eyes of the world. He didn’t write a best seller. He didn’t start an official organization. He didn’t travel to global cities.

He discipled those He was given, preached the gospel of the Kingdom, and died as a sacrifice for sins. Potent. History-shaping. Magnificent. But relatively small at the time. 

It took centuries for His short, local life of love to bear fruit in the world. 

But it was enough because it was the Father's will. He was so full of the food of His Father’s will that He wasn’t tempted to feast on the opportunity and anxiety of His day.

May God teach us all to live this way, too. 

One of the first things therapists tell us is the need to learn what is ours to carry and what is another’s. There is so much missional enmeshment in the church today.

Many of us are exhausted because we carry burdens that Jesus never asked us to carry. 

God will always give us power for our assignments, but not our own ambition.
God will always give us grace for our calling, but there is no promise for our own agendas.
We will always have time for what God has called us to, but not the demands of the world.
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Each of us must find and do the work God has assigned for us to do.

How? 

It’s both easier and harder than we think.

Here are the three questions I use to carry the burden God has given me.

Who am I? 
Where am I? 
What do I have?

WHO AM I?

• How has God uniquely designed and gifted me for my calling?

• What identity do I hold onto that might not align with what God says about me?

• What lies or distractions are causing me to forget who I am in Christ?

• How does my relationship with God define my purpose and priorities?

• In what ways am I called to live out my identity as a child of God in this current situation? 

WHERE AM I? 

• What season of life am I in, and how is God shaping me through it?

• What circumstances or challenges around me could God be using for my growth?

• How does my current situation fit into the larger narrative of God’s plan for my life?

• What opportunities to serve or love are right in front of me?

• How can I be fully present where I am, trusting that God has placed me here for a reason?

WHAT’S IN YOUR HAND? 

• What resources, talents, or abilities has God already given me to fulfill my calling?

• How can I use what I have right now to bring glory to God, even if it feels small?

• What tasks or responsibilities are mine to handle today, and what can I release to God?

• How might God want me to steward the gifts or relationships that are currently in my life?

• What small steps of obedience can I take with what’s already in my hand, trusting God with the outcome?

Moses became deliverer of Israel as a runaway prince, living as a shepherd, with a stick in his hand. Paul became an apostle as a Jewish/Roman Citizen fixing tents along the way. Jesus saved the world from an obscure village, walking out of a carpenter shop to the cross.

Who are you, where are you, what’s in your hand?

Steward what you have been given. 

Let Jesus free you from having to do everything about something.

Live your call; that will be more than enough.

Fighting exhaustion with you.

Cheers 

Jon. 

Folks, just a reminder: Here are a couple of free resources to help you get into community with other men and get after your call.

How to build a brotherhood.

Core community guide.

Grateful for you.

how to be full of hope in a world of despair

Vicisti, Galilaee!

Julian the Apostate

I will build my church.

Jesus

In Today’s Newsletter

• Smiling at secular threats

• Verses for your heart

• Quotes to fight with

• Music to stir your vision

• Two recent books I reread geared for men’s hearts

• Two favorite poems for you

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SMILING AT SECULAR THREATS

Much has been written about the rise of secularism in our world today.
But more than at an academic level, you probably feel it at a personal level.
More and more, it feels like we have to force God into our lives these days.
His place is constantly being taken away from the table.

On a personal level, it's the pressure of daily life, the busyness of our schedules, the strain to stay connected in marriage, godless media that creates a vision of life with no reference point to the eternal, and the normalization of sin. 

On a larger level, people just don’t seem interested in Jesus anymore.
God seems to be being pushed out of public conversations. Even just a few years back, Presidential candidates were asked about their personal relationship with Jesus. Now, they are asked about their plans to advance LGBTQ rights.

As a society, we are, for the most part, pleasure-seeking and anxious pagans. The gospel doesn’t seem to have much to say to the concerns of modern people set on living their own truth, values, and lives.

Statistically, they tell us that we are in a historic decline of the church, and each year, over 1 million young people walk away from their faith.

For many, this is a time of the slow suffocation of their faith, growing doubt, and fear.

I feel the dynamics of secularism acutely but don’t feel the same pressure.

I have full confidence that God is going to move and that in the ruins of secularism, Jesus will build a beautiful church. 

Zooming out and knowing redemptive history can help.

Julian the Apostate was known as the last pagan Emperor. 

He ruled Rome from 361 to 363 AD. 
He was a relative of Constantine (who paved the way for the Christianization of the empire) who deconstructed his faith and tried to renew classical Roman religion to stem the rising tide of Christian faith. He launched a widespread campaign to remove the influence of Jesus from his world. 

This included:

Bringing Back Paganism
Julian wanted people to go back to the old Roman gods. He brought back sacrifices, reopened pagan temples, and even made paganism more organized, with priests and moral rules to make it more appealing, like Christianity.

He Took Away Christian Privileges
He removed the benefits Christians had gained under Constantine. He stopped giving money to Christian churches and gave back properties that had been taken from pagan temples.

He Stopped Christians from Teaching
Julian stopped Christians from teaching important subjects like literature and philosophy in schools, hoping to weaken their influence, especially those seeking to raise the next generations in Rome with Jesus as a reference point of life.

He Stacked the Government with Pagan Leaders
He promoted those opposed to the Christian faith to important government jobs and centered pagan philosophers and writers to gain influence, trying to reduce the power of Christian leaders.

He Tried to Rebuild the Jewish Temple
In his attempt to rebuild the Temple in Jerusalem, he wanted to prove Christian prophecies wrong and shake their hope in their future. However, the project failed due to frustrating events like earthquakes and fires.

Despite all his efforts, Julian’s reign was short. He died in 363 AD during a military campaign against the Persian Empire.

He was wounded during the battle, and as he lay dying, he said,

"You have won, O Galilean." 

Jesus did win. Over sin, Satan, death, hell, and Julian’s efforts to destroy the church.

After his death, his anti-Christian policies were quickly reversed. Christianity continued to thrive, and his attempt to restore paganism failed.

In Fighting Shadows, we discuss the metaphor of something blocking the sun that stops us from seeing God. Satan’s strategy is to make us think the light is gone.

Life in modern society can feel like it’s in the shadows. It can seem like God is gone. The light of Jesus seems blocked out by sin, secularism, and the self.

But I am reminded of what Athanasius, that staunch defender of the faith, said about Julian the Apostate.

"Julian was such a cloud… but a little cloud, it passes away."

Secularism is a little cloud that will pass away. 

Most Christians have never heard of Julian the Apostate, but today, over 2 billion people are living in the light of Christ.

Men, take heart.

The Father is for you.
Christ is with you.
The Spirit is within you.

He who began a good work in you will carry it out to completion.

You have been chosen and sealed by God.

Jesus promised to build His Church, and He is using you.

You can smile at the secular threats, and you can smile in the shade.

Jesus is the light of the world, and those who follow Him shall not walk in darkness but have the light of life. 

Onward.
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VERSES

Surely, the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever.
They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD. Their hearts are secure; they will have no fear
Psalms 112:6-8

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,
Isaiah 30:15

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret —it leads only to evil.
Psalms 37:7-8

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who, then, is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died —more than that, who was raised to life —is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 
Romans 8:31-34 
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QUOTES

"Who except God can give you peace? 
Has the world ever been able to satisfy the heart?" 
St. Gerard Majella

"We are drowning in freedoms but thirsting for meaning."
Mark Sayers,

"When one is convinced that his cause is just, he will fear nothing." 
St. John Bosco

"I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed toward the sun, one's feet moving forward."
Nelson Mandela
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MUSIC FOR SOME PEACE

JÔNSI: FIRST LIGHT

This is about as good as ambient music gets, folks.
From the lead singer of Sigur Ros, it’s a wide-ranging instrumental album full of beauty.

First Light gives the feeling of being in a movie.
Stillness is pure magic.

SNORRI HALLGRÌMSSON: I AM WEARY, DON’T LET ME REST
This is dark, moody music at its best.

Before the Storm draws you into the album.
I Am at Home is the song to close out a long day.
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A COUPLE OF RECENT RE-READS

Glory Hunger by JR Vassar
This is my second time reading this. JR was a kindred pastor when he was in New York, and he will deal with your soul's longing and deficits in a challenging but hope-fueled way here. 

More on the book…

Everyone wants to be significant. To a certain extent, this is natural and good—evidence of our God-given desire for meaning and purpose. However, our longing for significance can easily twist into an insatiable craving for approval, recognition, and praise—and, if left unchecked, this craving will enslave us. In Glory Hunger, pastor JR Vassar challenges Christians to reevaluate their priorities when it comes to leaving a legacy, pointing to the gospel as the key to freedom from the bondage of narcissism and insecurity. Addressing cultural obsessions such as physical beauty and the goal of cultivating a "perfect" digital reputation via social media, this book will help readers refocus on what really matters: living a life marked by the passionate pursuit of God’s glory above all else.

Experiencing Fathers Embrace by Jack Frost
This is my third time reading this book. It’s a beautiful message for men who struggle to connect their heads and hearts. It’s about God's delight in us and the experience of the Abba cry Romans 8 talks about. It's a touch dated but also timeless in its own way. 

More on the book…

Experiencing Father's Embrace shows you how you can personally feel your Father's loving and comforting embrace, and points out areas that may be hindering you from experiencing a more intimate relationship with your Creator. Jack Frost, ministry leader and teacher, reveals the love that God has for each of His children. His love is not doled out by age, race, gender, politics, or denomination--His embrace is for all.

The author offers many ways to bring both new and seasoned believers closer to Him. The truths shared in this book will make a positive difference in your life, in the lives of your loved ones and especially in your relationship with God the Father---who yearns for your companionship. Experiencing Father's Embrace is not based on hearsay but on Scripture and powerful life experiences of a man whose personal testimony will encourage and inspire you to pursue God's eternal loving embrace.

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POEMS FOR HOPE

Just dropping these in again to give you a little perspective and peace. 

Loaves and Fishes by David Whyte 
*from The House of Belonging

This is not
the age of information.

This is not
the age of information.

Forget the news,
and the radio,
and the blurred screen.

This is the time
of loaves
and fishes.

People are hungry
and one good word is bread
for a thousand.

The Clearing by Martha Postlethwaite

Do not try to save
the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create
a clearing
in the dense forest
of your life
and wait there
patiently,
until the song
that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself
to this world
so worth of rescue.
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Thanks for reading, folks.

Here with hope.

Cheers.

Jon.

I am filled with faith and hope, knowing that 700 men are carrying coals from that flame to the altar of their hearts, homes, communities, and churches. 

Men, get to the altar and tend to the flame. As William Booth reminds us, 

"The tendency of fire is to go out; watch the fire on the altar of your heart. Anyone who has tended a fireplace fire knows that it needs to be stirred up occasionally."

Rebuild your altars. Stir the coals of encounter, sacrifice, commitment, and memory.

Repair the altar; fire is waiting to fall.

I'll join you in rebuilding and responding this week.

Cheers.

Jon.

build the altar

"God calls us to an altar, not a platform."

J.D. Greer

Then Elijah said to all the people,

"Come here to me."

They came to him, and he repaired the altar of the LORD,

which had been torn down.

1 Kings 18:30

This past weekend was the Forming Men Conference in Paragould, Arkansas.

I had the time of my life. 

There is nothing like hearing 700 men belt out worship songs at the top of their lungs and seeing that potent kingdom mixture of repentance, brotherhood, and joy. 

We met at Central Baptist Church’s new building, which they had only completed two weeks before. It’s a beautiful building with all the things you would expect from new construction: incredible media, lobby space for days, and parking for half the trucks in Greene County.

I have definitely noticed how church buildings have become more modern over the years. They can look more like movie theaters than sanctuaries, more like community centers than cathedrals.

But something stood out to me about Central Baptist's new building.

The Altar.

Amid the polished concrete floors, state-of-the-art stage, and video walls was an old-school Baptist altar. You can easily overlook this when you walk in, but you can’t miss it when the presence of God comes down. 

Blake Ligon, the pastor, told me, "We wanted to build a place where men could encounter God."

As simple as it sounds, that vision is rarer than you think. There are so few places built for people to encounter God today.

I believe God is calling a generation of men to do something about that. 

Encountering God is at the heart of the scriptures. Altars were places where that could happen.

Altars were places where people encountered God
They were built as places to seek God or memorials of encounters with Him.

They were places of sacrifice 
Fire never fell on an empty altar; something was always offered to God.

Altars were places of commitment
It was the place where a man, his family, and the community came to give themselves in surrender to God.

Places of Memory
They were places where you could look back and remember the goodness of God in your life. 

We need to repair the altars that have fallen down in the modern world. 

Much of what has happened in modern society amounts to tearing down where men could meet God and offer themselves to Him.

In its place, secular culture has built altars for its own gods. Altars to mammon, sexuality, pleasure, and self.

Men go to these secular altars to encounter these idols and offer themselves to them. This has led to heartache, dysfunction, and decline. The landscape of the lives of so many men is filled with altars to other gods. Men sacrifice their integrity, families, time, and energy on broken altars that do not satisfy.

God is calling a generation of men to tear these down and repair the altars to the one true God. I have tried to do this in my life in New York.

Over these last 20 years, I have built altars all over New York City.              

• In a small park on 43rd between 9th and 10th Ave, I built an altar where I have prayed for revival for over 19 years.

• Under a bridge in Hells Kitchen, on 41st and 9th Ave, God came down in power and encouraged me from Romans 1:13. I have an altar of faith there.

• I have an altar on 48th St. in Clinton Community Garden, where I met with God during the pandemic, and He filled me with the power to endure.

• I have an altar on 105th and Broadway, where I sought God when I first moved to the city.

• I have one at 50th and Broadway in Times Square, where I have prayed Psalm 67 over the city for years.

• I have one in the middle of the George Washington Bridge, where God turned my heart from being a tutor into a father.

Where are the altars in your life?

All men have altars.
All men sacrifice something to the god they worship, be it Jesus, mammon, lust, or self.

Whatever you build, make sure you build an altar into it.

No matter how modern or sophisticated, include a sacred space for God.

A space for encounter, sacrifice, commitment, and memory. 

Henry Ward Beecher said, "There ought to be such an atmosphere in every Christian church that a man going there and sitting two hours should take the contagion of heaven, and carry home a fire to kindle the altar whence he came."

Here is a photo of men at the altar:

I am filled with faith and hope, knowing that 700 men are carrying coals from that flame to the altar of their hearts, homes, communities, and churches. 

Men, get to the altar and tend to the flame. As William Booth reminds us, 

"The tendency of fire is to go out; watch the fire on the altar of your heart. Anyone who has tended a fireplace fire knows that it needs to be stirred up occasionally."

Rebuild your altars. Stir the coals of encounter, sacrifice, commitment, and memory.

Repair the altar; fire is waiting to fall.

I'll join you in rebuilding and responding this week.

Cheers.

Jon.

the power of quiet, unseen work done in the dark

"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin."

Zechariah 4:10

"I want you to know in your bones that your only path to success is through a continuum of mundane, unsexy, unexciting, and sometimes difficult daily disciplines compounded over time."
Darren Hardy

Maggie Smith said,

"Praise the roots of the plant

- what grounds it and allows it to grow 
- not only the flower.

Without quiet, unseen work happening in the dark, nothing would open in the light."

All the fruit we want in our lives comes from the slow, patient work of tending to the roots. But this is easier said than done.

Most of us resist quiet, unseen work that happens in the dark. But the compound effect of caring for the roots determines what kind of soil we will be. The difference between the hard, shallow, thorny, and good soil was the depth and health of the roots. Root work compounds over time. 

One of the books that had the greatest impact on Nate and me during the Primal Path was The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. It argues that it’s the small, almost unnoticeable things that have the largest impact on our lives. 

Not all at once, not even in ways we can really measure, until suddenly, the compound effect kicks in, and we reap the 100x fruit of a thousand smaller decisions.

Tend to the roots, and the fruit will take care of itself. 

Think about how we use the spare minutes of our days, for example. 

Ten Minutes a Day is…

Seventy Minutes a Week. 
300 Minutes a Month.
Sixty Hours a Year.

How many of you would like to pray for 60 hours this year yet feel like you can’t pray for an hour? Ten minutes daily, tending to the root of your relationship with God, would make it possible.

How many of you would like to be able to make a significant gift to a cause you care about but feel like that’s financially impossible?

If you took the typical 5-dollar-a-day coffee purchase and invested it with an 8 percent return over 20 years, it would come out to around $90,000.

Feels like nothing in the moment, but it’s significant over time.

But you probably know that already. 

At this point in the email, you are probably thinking, "I have heard all this before."

So, why don’t most of us live like this?

Because it’s hard. 

It’s hard to be patient, hard to play the long game, hard to labor in the quiet and the dark. It is hard to wait for a harvest in a culture of the immediate.

However, neglecting the roots has consequences. If we don’t tend to the roots, we will try to hack for fruit.

Lifehacking is almost a religion in the West. We think we can hack everything. Hack our health, hack our careers, hack our relationships, or hack our faith.

But I have written before and want to reiterate again:

"You can’t hack your way to a beautiful life."

When you resort to shortcuts in life, you risk inevitable failure and leave behind a legacy of unintended harm. God doesn’t want you to hack your walk with Him. Your friends don’t want hacked relationships. Your kids don’t want hacked parenting. Your wife doesn’t want a hacked marriage. A beautiful life is cultivated daily, nourishing the roots of what is meaningful and valuable over time. 

So, I have been extra dialed in the last few months on something I have written about before.

Radical incrementalism. 

Radical Incrementalism is the commitment to do the least you can do to make progress, not the most. It's learning to quit long before you are overwhelmed so that you don’t get exhausted and begin to think that what you are doing is unsustainable. It’s about consistency, not intensity. It’s a focus on the roots and not a scramble for the fruit.

I want to bring back to your attention how Oliver Burkeman shares about this in Four Thousand Weeks regarding writing and completing a Doctoral thesis.

"The psychology professor Robert Boice spent his career studying the writing habits of his fellow academics, reaching the conclusion that the most productive and successful among them generally made writing a smaller part of their daily routine than the others, so that it was much more feasible to keep going with it day after day.

They cultivated the patience to tolerate the fact that they probably wouldn’t be producing very much on any individual day, with the result that they produced much more over the long term. They wrote in brief daily sessions—sometimes as short as ten minutes, and never longer than four hours—and they religiously took weekends off."

Roots, not fruit. Consistency, not intensity.

This is in stark contrast to how the PhD students tended to think. They scrambled for thesis fruit.

"Boice observed that PhD students’ impatience to finish quickly, driven by looming deadlines, actually hindered their progress by causing them to rush the creative process or procrastinate, ultimately leading them to despise their work."

I want to shout this loudly from the rooftops.

Consistency, not intensity.

In the long run, you are much more likely to be consistent in your walk with God by reading a small section of scripture each day and praying for a few minutes than by going on a 40-day fast and scripture binge.

You will have a way better relationship with your kids if you play 20 minutes a day with them rather than thinking you can fix the relational gap with a trip to Disney.

Focus on the roots, not the fruit.
Focus on sowing, not the harvest.
Focus on consistency, not intensity. 

You will obviously have crazy weeks, last-minute drama, and sometimes the need to simply survive. But if you want a rich life of beauty, depth, meaning, and joy, radical incrementalism and root work will yield the harvest you want over time. 

I want a life that opens to the light.
I want a 100x harvest. 
I want fruit that remains.

So, more than ever, I am embracing the quiet, unseen work in the dark.

Praying you tend to the roots this week.

Thanks for reading.

Cheers.

Jon.

people from whom there are no secrets

Confess your sins to one another, that you may be healed.

James

Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.

Paul Tournier

There is so much content for Christian men today, yet still so little transformation.

We churn through books, podcasts, and sermons at a staggering rate, but deep down, this often does little to address our deepest fears, sinful tendencies, and pain.

So much content, so little change.
                                                           
I was recently at a Christian Leaders gathering talking about why this is when a pastor shared a part of his testimony that has had me thinking about it for a few weeks.

This pastor talked about the Pareto Principle of transformation.

You are probably familiar with the Pareto Principle, the idea that 80 percent of the result comes from 20 percent of the work, but I don’t think many of us have applied that to our walk with God amid all the religious options out there.

Much of the modern church is geared towards participation, but not transformation. 

We show up, serve, give, and do, but this often deals with external actions, not heart motivation.

This leader continued by sharing a radical idea. He said,

“The parent principle of transformation is around vulnerability, confession, honesty, and refusing to keep secrets. Most of the change and transformation in our lives comes from being honest with our struggles, vulnerable when we sin, and refusing to cover up and pretend things are fine.”

Sin management and hiding are exhausting. Confession brings relief. 

I have written about the danger of secrets in this email before, but given the many public failures and our own private ones, I want to bring this up again.

Can you imagine if Ravi Zacharias had said to a trusted friend…
“I need to tell you a secret”

You can imagine what would have happened if Carl Lentz had said… 
“I need to tell you a secret”

Can you imagine if Robert Morris had said…
“I know you know some of the truth, but I need to tell you a secret”

Now, as a Lead Pastor of a church, I know church dynamics can be complex.
There is pressure to look good, worries about our reputation, and image management.

But these are an illusion.

The Bible says that the eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the wicked and the righteous. The truth is, we can never keep our secrets from God. At some point, it will all come out, but HOW it comes out is up to us.

We can hide in shame and cover things up.
Or, we can bring them into the light and mercy of God.

Sin won’t destroy you; Jesus' mercy and grace can deal with that. However, covering your sin will destroy you if you try to manage it on your own. In Joshua 7, Achan’s whole family was destroyed because he had a secret hidden in his tent. 

Sadly, the same happens time and time again in our modern world.

In the conversation about the Pareto Principle of transformation, the pastor said that true transformation happened for him when he stopped keeping secrets. It wasn’t the preaching, all the community groups, serving the poor, and church services that changed him. It was opening his heart to a couple of trusted friends and sharing with them his deep secrets.

Healing comes when we are honest about what has wounded us.
Hope comes from being honest about our despair.
Freedom comes by naming what’s keeping us in bondage.

The recovery community has much to teach us here. “You are only as sick as your secrets” has changed the lives of so many. 

It can be terrifying for men to be truly vulnerable today. 
We can fear rejection, betrayal, weaponization of the information shared, and loss. But even worse than that is being destroyed by shame, exposure, and God's judgment. 

Frederick Buechner wrote,

“What we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else. It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are, because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing. It is important to tell our secrets too because it makes it easier, for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own.”

The earliest disciples knew this, too. John wrote, 

This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, thatGod is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.

In the light. 
Fellowship with one another. 
Cleansed from all sin. 
Known, accepted, seen, and loved. 
This is the invitation of the gospel to our hearts.

My deepest prayer for you is that God will give you two brothers from whom you keep no secrets. Those you can share your heart with in full. Those who will share your joys, weep with you in your pain, rebuke your foolishness, and drag you from your rebellion back into the light.

After all, isn’t this what Jesus did for His disciples?

If you are looking for a practical way to start this, we created a simple tool called Core Communities that you can use to go deep with a few other guys.

Download the short guide, review the tool, read this email to a few brothers, and then commit to meeting regularly and being fully open. Your secrets may kill you or save you, but it depends on whether or not they are shared in community or hidden in shame. 

We need friends from whom we keep no secrets.
We need to be friends who will listen to the secrets of others.

May God give you grace to be and find these life-giving friends.

Here with you in the risky and radical pursuit of being a vulnerable man.

Cheers.

Jon. 

stop domesticating women

"I want a trouble-maker for a lover; blood spiller, blood drinker, a heart of flame. 

Who quarrels with the sky and fights with fate. Who burns like fire on the rushing sea."

Rumi

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

Proverbs 31:25

(The following email has been proofread and approved by my wife ☺)

I had a conversation recently with my wife that cut me to the core.
I had been gone quite a bit, and my relational account was overdrawn.
I suggested we go for a nice walk to catch up on a few things and chat.

Her reply has been ringing in my ears.

I am not a domesticated woman.

I do not want to do domesticated things.

I do not want to live a domesticated life.

I want a life of mission and adventure.

You are going to have to do better than a ‘little walk and chat’

I refuse a domesticated life.

I was kind of stunned by the poetic confrontation that flowed from her mouth.

It may have been the most beautiful and terrible thing she has ever said to me.

"I do not want to live a domesticated life."

To domesticate means to "bring under control to serve our purposes"

I never set out to do this. 

No woman wants a man whose life vision is to bring her under his control to serve his purposes. Yet it happens more than we would like to admit. To be honest, the vision given to so many Christian men is that of finding a good woman and domesticating her. Taking away the wildness and the passion and sense of adventure and replacing it with compliance and control. We get busy and low on energy, so we try and reduce the vision of women to what we have the capacity to manage. 

I didn’t set out to try and domesticate my wife. 

When I met her in college, she had glory in her eyes and the nations in her heart. She said yes to marrying me because I was what she called "a visionary," and I offered her something beyond the small dreams of modern life. She said yes to me because she thought I would release her calling, not restrict her life.

To be clear this has nothing to do with being a complementarian or egalitarian. 

I’ve seen egalitarians domesticate their wives, and complementarians raise them to their redemptive potential (and vice versa). No, this is about getting a vision of presenting our wives in all their splendor like Ephesians 5 calls us to. 

This isn’t as much about roles as it is vision. 

Am I trying to get my wife to serve my purpose or creating space for God to release hers? Most women have more vision than men have energy to give them. We should seriously examine that. So often in our vision of sacrificial love, our wives get sacrificed so we can do what we love.

Jesus didn’t domesticate the women of his day.

He welcomed Mary at his feet as a disciple, opening his heart and word to her in a gesture so controversial it’s hard to comprehend.

Jesus revealed himself to another Mary in the garden, making her an apostle to the apostles, the first witness of the resurrection that we dismiss far too quickly.

Jesus’ ministry was funded by a group of wealthy women who provided for his needs at their own expense. 

Satan is the one who wants to domesticate women.

To domesticate their sexual desires to serve men.
To reduce their vision to stereotypical roles. 
To reduce their impact to serve in the shadows of men.

I have so much work to do. 
I have so many repairs to make.
I have controlling instincts that make me lash out in the flesh.

Yet I am resolved that I will not domestic my wife, or try and do so to the woman around me. Jesus has much to teach me here, but I am joyfully enrolled in the school of repentance and restitution.

I want to empower, not restrict the next generation of women.

When I was raising my daughter, I didn’t want to diminish her; I wanted to empower her.
I didn’t want to shield her in fear or shame her in selfishness.

Each morning we would read 2 quotes.

One from Frederick Buechner and one from the Scriptures.

Hers is the world, beautiful and terrible things will happen, don’t be afraid.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

I sought to raise a resilient daughter, not a domesticated one. 

By the grace of God, she has become just that. Strong and dignified, with laughter on her lips and love in her heart. She shows up with courage in this beautiful, terrible thing called life. 

_______________________

In many ways, men still have so much power in the world, so much power in the church, so much power in the home.

What will we do with that power?

Will we domesticate women or empower them? Will we restrict them or release them?

Here’s to an undomesticated gospel, and working towards empowering a fierce and free generation of women for the days ahead.

Thanks for reading.

Cheers

Jon.

keep nothing for yourself

“It's easier to hold your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold them 98 percent of the time.”

Clayton Christensen

"Once I made a decision, I never thought about it again."

Michael Jordan

This past Sunday someone came forward for prayer in our church.
It was a request I have not been able to get out of my head.

The gist of it was this:

“I came to New York with a passion to give into sexual sin and temptation. I did that for a couple of years, but a while back Jesus called me out of my sin to himself. I have consecrated my sexuality to Jesus, but there is this last little 2 percent I want to give to him, it needs to be put to death.”

The last little two percent. 

It made me wonder if there were small little sins lingering under my larger surrender. 

Was I holding back my own 2 percent?

Abba Anthony (of the Desert Fathers) gave an illustration of the need to hold nothing back in our lives with God. 

A brother renounced the world and gave his goods to the poor, but he kept back a little for his personal expenses. He went to see Abba Anthony. When he told him this, the old man said to him, 

“If you want to be a monk, go to the village, buy some meat, cover your naked body with it and come here like that.” 

The brother did so, and the dogs and birds tore at his flesh. 

When he came back the old man asked him whether he had followed his advice. He showed him his wounded body, and Saint Anthony said, 

“Those who renounce the world but want to keep something for themselves are torn this way by the demons who make war on them.”

This is so true. 

Those un-surrendered parts, those parts we keep back, can be access points of temptation, distraction, and spiritual sabotage.  

I am joining my brother at the altar this week and asking God to kill the final 2 percent of sin in me.

Clayton Christensen, the former renowned Harvard Business School professor once said, “It's easier to hold your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold them 98 percent of the time.”

There is so much lost energy in the 2 percent. 
So much wrestling, so much decision fatigue, so much pressure moment by moment. 

But total surrender leads to total peace. 

All the energy given to resisting sin can be given to building the life we are called to.

Are there any areas of your life that you need to bring to the altar?
Any small sins hiding under your larger commitment?
Anything you sense the Lord asking you to lay down?

Why not take a moment and follow the wisdom of King David, the wisdom of the spiritual MRI.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalms 139:23-24 

Andrew Murray wrote a prayer I have been praying in light of a full and total surrender.  

“Father, may the Holy Spirit have full dominion over me: in my home, in my character, in every word of my tongue, in every thought of my heart, in every feeling towards my fellowmen; may the Holy Spirit have entire possession.”

Entirely possessed by holiness and love, now that’s a compelling vision.

See you at the altar with whatever you have been holding back.

Cheers

Jon.

the mess of spiritual formation

“Christian spiritual formation rests on this indispensable foundation of death to self and cannot proceed except insofar as that foundation is being firmly laid and sustained.”

Dallas Willard

“My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you.”

Galatians 4:19

_________________________________

I was there for the birth of both of my children.

People tend to talk about the joy and wonder of having kids, but there wasn’t a lot of joy and wonder when my wife was in the delivery room. There was screaming, blood, tears, pain, and as violent a process as I have ever witnessed.

Afterwards: the joy. Before: the bloody mess.

I have thought about that a lot in our current discussions on spiritual formation. Spiritual formation is having a moment, for which I am glad. I wrote a book about the need for this in a cultural moment like ours called Beautiful Resistance. But I believe we are missing one important part of the conversation.

The mess of spiritual formation.

I am noticing a trend, particularly among younger believers, about how spiritual formation is being practiced.

Instead of a violent fight to kill the ego and the flesh, it is viewed as an aesthetically pleasing, restful alternative to modern life. I have real sympathy for this. Life is overwhelming, anxiety-producing, and exhausting. But a spiritual “wellness” alternative will fall short in the long run.

The yoke of Jesus is easy and light, but it’s paid for by bloodshed on a cross.

The saints knew that spiritual formation is a violent and messy process.

Paul said he was in the “pains of childbirth” to see formation in the life of the Galatians. Paul had to bleed to see the Galatians become what Christ intended.

• Despite the miracles and power, the Galatians were resorting to the flesh.

• Despite a clear and doctrinally accurate presentation of God's grace, the Galatians were shrinking back into works.

• Despite Paul’s humble leadership, the Galatians were living in pride.

They were biting and devouring one another, seduced back into legalism, and using their freedom to feed the flesh.

Paul’s exhortation?

Life by the Spirit; crucify the flesh.

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
Galatians 5:24 

Spiritual formation is a messy process, and the Bible is brutally honest about this.

• Abraham took the promise for an heir into his own hands and birthed Ishmael. He struggled to trust God's timing. 

• Moses wasn’t allowed into the promised land; his temper got the better of him.

• David fell into adultery and murder; sexual entitlement overtook his obligations of worship.

• Peter denied Jesus, weeping at his own faithlessness.

• The Ephesians lost their first love despite the warnings not to.

• Demas forsook Paul because he loved the world; his disordered desires came out under pressure.

This wasn’t before the call of God in their lives. This was in the middle of it.

Spiritual formation is messy. 
Formation is a war. 
Formation is a fight to the death. 

Paul knew formation was an invitation to crucified union, not just a more appealing alternative to shallow evangelicalism. 

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20 

Please don’t misunderstand me, spiritual practices are a key part of this, but the attitude and vision behind them must be aligned. Practices are nails for the crucified life, not mindfulness for Christians dealing with stress.

That’s why Dallas Willard was so insistent on this. 

“Christian spiritual formation rests on this indispensable foundation of death to self and cannot proceed except insofar as that foundation is being firmly laid and sustained.”
Dallas Willard

Death to self, firmly laid, and sacrificially sustained. 

There will be cries from the delivery rooms of our souls for this to happen in our hearts.

So, don’t be dismayed if the struggle for your faith is hard.
Don’t be surprised if your face resistance.
Don’t be discouraged if you are constantly having new parts of your heart exposed by God.

He disciplines those He loves.
He leads us on the narrow way.
The refining fire can be painful, but it is a fire of purifying love. 

God promises to walk with us, form and transform us, but it will be messy.

Don’t be surprised, and don’t give up.

God delights in your messy, mangled, “two steps forward and one step back” formation.

The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him;
though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
Psalms 37:23-24

Let’s help each other in the crucified life, held in the hand of grace. 

Thanks for reading.

Cheers.

Jon.

the eighth shadow: fighting entitlement

Arrogance demands and expects. Humility receives and enjoys.

Dan Rockwell

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile, and their foolish hearts were darkened.

Paul (commenting on the culture of Rome)

So many men fall into sin because they think they are owed something for what they have done. This is the danger of entitlement.

It's such a sweet trap to believe that the rules don’t apply to us.

We must fight entitlement. In many ways, this could have been the 8th shadow of our book Fighting Shadows. Entitlement can stand between us and God, getting us to believe that we can decide what we deserve. It blocks our trust in God's mercy, timing, and provision.

Entitlement is not narcissism, which tends towards pathological self-absorption.
It's not arrogance; the thought that we are better than others.
Entitlement is more subtle than that. It’s the idea that I am owed something others are not. Life is indebted to me, and I am here to collect. 

Psychology Today defines entitlement this way:

"Entitlement is an enduring personality trait, characterized by the belief that one deserves preferences and resources that others do not."

For Christian men, entitlement may be one of the least talked about but most deadly issues lurking in our hearts. Maybe it’s because we give up so many pleasures of the world to follow Christ. Maybe it’s because eternal rewards seem so far away, or because culture disciples us in the way of entitlement one algorithm at a time. The cumulative effect is a generation of men walking around thinking they are owed something. This is not good for us or the world we are called to serve. 

Tasha Eurich, an organizational psychologist notes,

“Research confirms that entitled employees have unjustified positive opinions about their talents and contributions, feel deserving of things they haven’t earned, and even see their supervisors as abusive. They’re also less satisfied with their jobs, more likely to underperform, pick fights, and behave unethically.” 

The best men resist entitlement. 

Steven Pressfield highlights this in a story about Alexander the Great.

"Once, Alexander was leading his army through a waterless desert. The column was strung out for miles, with men and horses suffering terribly from thirst. Suddenly, a detachment of scouts came galloping back to the king. They had found a small spring and had managed to fill up a helmet with water. They rushed to Alexander and presented this to him. The army held in place, watching. Every man’s eye was fixed upon his commander. Alexander thanked his scouts for bringing him this gift, then, without touching a drop, he lifted the helmet and poured the precious liquid into the sand. At once, a great cheer ascended, rolling like thunder from one end of the column to the other. A man was heard to say, “With a king like this to lead us, no force on earth can stand against us.” 

Jesus didn’t let entitlement sink in.

Philippians 2 tells us that though He was equal with God, He took on the nature of a servant and poured Himself out. He gave His life for others, suffering a violent death on the cross.

Jesus did not live like an entitled man. 

He washed the feet of His disciples.
Had compassion on widows.
Rebuked it when He saw it in the Pharisees.
Forgave His enemies.

I do not want to be an entitled man.

I constantly work to fight this. As the senior pastor of a large church in New York City, privilege can flow toward me. I can get special attention, preferential treatment, recognition, and honor.

But rather than these being the rewards of leadership, they are actually the dangers of leadership.

Life is about serving others.
Any platform we are given is for the gospel and the glory of God.
Privilege is to be stewarded for others, not hoarded for the self. 

A.W. Tozer has a beautiful prayer I am asking God to form into the cry of my heart.

"I am Thy servant to do Thy will, and that will is sweeter to me than position or riches or fame, and I choose it above all things on Earth or in Heaven. Amen."

As disciples of Jesus, we are not entitled men; we are indebted men.

Indebted to grace.
Indebted to mercy
Indebted to a patient God who lovingly modeled the way.

Here to fight entitlement with you.

Cheers.

Jon.
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In Today’s Newsletter

• Verses to fight entitlement

• Quotes to ponder

• Book recommendations this month

• Music I am loving right now

• Poems to cultivate gratitude

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VERSES TO FIGHT ENTITLEMENT

“But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves.”
Luke 22:26

“And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.”
Mark 9:35 

“The greatest among you shall be your servant.”
Matthew 23:11

"So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 
‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”
Luke 17:10


QUOTES TO PONDER

“The servant-leader is servant first, it begins with a natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first, as opposed to, wanting power, influence, fame, or wealth.”
Robert K. Greenleaf

"The leader must have both the courage to take the people to a daring destination and the humility to selflessly serve others on the journey."
Cheryl Bachelder 

"Complaining is a self-absorbed and a passive exercise. It’s inward-facing and represents a lack of leadership maturity. It also becomes tedious and tiresome. Great (people) who show leadership own problems. That means they take accountability to drive change."
Cindy Wahler

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?'”
Martin Luther King, Jr.


BOOKS RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THIS MONTH

In My Time of Dying by Sebastian Junger
This was an incredible book on life after death. Beautifully written, it will fill you with hope about the eternal life we have in Jesus while confronting the uncertainties along the way. Here is more… 

For years as an award-winning war reporter, Sebastian Junger traveled to many front lines and frequently put his life at risk. And yet the closest he ever came to death was the summer of 2020 while spending a quiet afternoon at the New England home he shared with his wife and two young children. Crippled by abdominal pain, Junger was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. Once there, he began slipping away. As blackness encroached, he was visited by his dead father, inviting Junger to join him. “It’s okay,” his father said. “There’s nothing to be scared of. I’ll take care of you.” That was the last thing Junger remembered until he came to the next day when he was told he had suffered a ruptured aneurysm that he should not have survived.

This experience spurred Junger—a confirmed atheist raised by his physicist father to respect the empirical—to undertake a scientific, philosophical, and deeply personal examination of mortality and what happens after we die. How do we begin to process the brutal fact that any of us might perish unexpectedly on what begins as an ordinary day? How do we grapple with phenomena that science may be unable to explain? And what happens to a person, emotionally and spiritually, when forced to reckon with such existential questions?

In My Time of Dying is part medical drama, part searing autobiography, and part rational inquiry into the ultimate unknowable mystery.

Jesus and the Powers by N.T.Wright and Michael Bird
How can we avoid the idolatry of modern politics and think clearly about it. I got this book for the sermon I preached called Controversial Faith: The Church and Politics. Well worth your time.

An urgent call for Christians everywhere to explore the nature of the kingdom amid the political upheaval of our day.

Should Christians be politically withdrawn, avoiding participation in politics to maintain their prophetic voice and to keep from being used as political pawns? Or should Christians be actively involved, seeking to utilize political systems to control the levers of power?

In Jesus and the Powers, N. T. Wright and Michael F. Bird call Christians everywhere to discern the nature of Christian witness in fractured political environments. In an age of ascending autocracies, in a time of fear and fragmentation, amid carnage and crises, Jesus is king, and Jesus’s kingdom remains the object of the church's witness and work.

Part political theology, part biblical overview, and part church history, this book argues that building for Jesus's kingdom requires confronting empire in all its forms. This approach should orient Christians toward a form of political engagement that contributes to free democratic societies and vigorously opposes political schemes based on autocracy and nationalism. Throughout, Wright and Bird reflect on the relevance of this kingdom-oriented approach to current events, including the Russian-Ukraine conflict, the China-Taiwan tension, political turmoil in the USA, UK, and Australia, and the problem of Christian nationalism.

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MUSIC I AM LOVING RIGHT NOW

Day by Nils Frahm
Magic album to contemplate the beauty and wonder of life.
Worth checking out the whole body of his work. Screws Reworked is sublime.

Living Room Songs by Ólafur Arnalds
Another album for late-night prayer of examen or that leisurely commute. 

Where He's Wanted (Live) by Church of the City New York
Quite a few folks listen to the teaching that comes out of our church but often wonder what the worship is like. Here is a live album we recorded at one of our monthly prayer and worship nights called Break the Soil. We also have 24/7 prayer running in our church which you can check out in our prayer room if you are ever in the city.
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POETRY 

Adam Zagajewski is one of my favorite poets. 
Here are a few of my favorites from him to cultivate gratitude and fight entitlement. 

Figs by Adam Zagajewski

Figs are sweet, 
but don’t last long. 
They spoil fast in transit, 
says the shopkeeper. 
Like kisses, adds his wife, 
a hunched old woman with bright eyes.

Wind by Adam Zagajewski

We always forget what poetry is 
(or maybe it happens only to me). 
Poetry is a wind blowing from the gods, 
says Cioran, citing the Aztecs.

But there are so many quiet, windless days. 
The gods are napping then 
or they’re preparing tax forms for even loftier gods. 
Oh may that wind return. 
The wind blowing from the gods let it come back, 
let that wind 
awaken.

Nocturne by Adam Zagajewski

Sunday afternoons, September: my father listens 
to a Chopin concerto, distracted 
(music for him was often just a backdrop 
for other activities, work or reading), 
but after a moment, he puts the book aside, lost in thought; 
I think one of the nocturnes 
must have moved him deeply—he looks out the window 
(he doesn’t know I’m watching), his face 
opens to the music, to the light, 

and so he stays in my memory, focused, 
motionless, so he’ll remain forever, 
beyond the calendar, beyond the abyss, 
beyond the old age that destroyed him, 
and even now, when he no longer is, he’s still 
here, attentive, book to one side, 
leaning in his chair, serene, 
he listens to Chopin, as if that nocturne 
were speaking to him, explaining something.

men for others

A man is at his best when he is living for others.

Jefferson Bethke

In humility, consider others more important than yourselves.

Philippians 2:3

The Jesuits have a mantra for their Order. 

Men for others.

I love this. 
We need more men to live for others in our world today. 
Living for others is at the heart of what it means to be a godly man.
I have tried to reflect this in the definition of masculinity we use at Forming Men.

Masculinity is "The joyful pursuit of sacrificial responsibility."

Here are 3 reflections this week to stir your heart to be a man for others.

(1)  TRIUMPH

Rome was a culture built on honor. 
There was no greater honor for a Roman General than that of getting a Triumph Parade. As one author notes, 

A Triumph provided a victorious general an unmatched forum for self-promotion as well as an opportunity to gain popularity with the Roman mob. At the end of a week-long celebration in which the spoils of war were displayed and divided among the People, the general mounted a gilded chariot, his face painted red with vermilion in imitation of Mars, the god of war, a crown of oak leaves on his head. As he rode down the Via Sacra—the city’s central avenue—thronged with citizens shouting his praise, a lone slave stood behind him in the chariot repeating, 

"You are a man. You are no god. You serve Rome."

We all need this voice behind us. 

Any success or influence we get is not to point to ourselves but to Him.
He is the one who leads us in triumphant procession.
True victory is not over others but over the ego and the flesh.

You are a man. You are no god. You serve Christ.

(2)  PERSPECTIVE 

The world we live in today distorts our sense of perspective.

You don’t need to be famous to have reality distorted for you; the algorithms do that. The level of customization we experience greatly warps our perception and creates the illusion that we are the central figure in the life of the world.

David Foster Wallace, concerned about this very phenomenon, writes, 

Everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe, the realest, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely think about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness, because it’s so socially repulsive, but it’s pretty much the same for all of us, deep down. It is our default setting, hardwired into our boards at birth. Think about it: There is no experience you’ve had that you were not at the absolute center of. The world as you experience it is there in front of you, or behind you, to the left or right of you, on your TV, or your monitor, or whatever. Other people’s thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow, but your own are immediate, urgent, real.

Maybe that’s what’s fueling our sense of narcissism in the world today. Everything in my online world is customized around my preferences. I listen to my favorite music, install my favorite apps, follow my favorite people, and watch my favorite news. Slowly but surely our attention is discipled with ourselves at the center.

Jesus IS at the center of the world, yet He chose to look at life through the lens of others. 

His heart went out to others.
His attention was drawn to others.
Jesus died for others.

In a narcissistic world, the most radical and rebellious thing you can do is learn to live and love others. 

(3)  ONE-WORD SERMON

The best sermons are the ones you remember. Here is a story of one of the best. 

It was Christmas Eve, 1910. General William Booth, the founder of The Salvation Army was an invalid and near the end of his life—it was impossible for him to attend the Army’s annual convention. Someone near the General suggested that Booth send a telegram to be read at the opening of the convention to the many Salvation Army soldiers in attendance as an encouragement for their many hours of labor serving others throughout the holidays and the cold winter months. Booth agreed.

Funds were limited and telegrams charged by the word, so to ensure as much money as possible would still go to help the needy, General Booth decided to send a one-word message. He searched his mind and reviewed his years of ministry, seeking the one word that would summarize his life, the mission of the Army and encourage the soldiers to continue on.

When the thousands of delegates met, the moderator announced that Booth could not be present due to his failing health. Gloom and pessimism swept across the convention floor until the moderator announced that Booth had sent a telegram to be read at the start of the first session. He opened the message and read just one word:

"Others!"

Signed, General Booth.

Consumer Christianity is a cancer in the body of Christ. It consumes the resources designed for mission and ultimately kills itself. We need this one-word sermon in our world today. 

May we be men for others.

JESUS: A MAN FOR OTHERS

Jesus was the only messiah in history without a messiah complex.

He loved, served, sacrificed, bled, and died for others, and He did this with joy. Luke 17:7-10 reminds us that we are called to do the same.

So, you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 
‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’"

We have only done our duty.

The duty of love.
The duty of sacrifice.
The joyous duty of joining Jesus in becoming a man for others.

I’ll be fighting my own ego alongside you this week and asking God to make me a man for others.

See you at the cross.

Cheers.

Jon.

find the few

Religion has accepted the monstrous heresy that noise, size, activity and bluster make a man dear to God.

A. W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you

Jesus

I have met many people over the course of my life, but few that have deeply changed me.

One of those who did is a man named Jeff Spencer.  

When I first met Jeff, he was working for the Australian Government, and I was working at a butcher shop. I was a new believer, drenched with zeal, but lacking direction and skills in my faith. 

Jeff offered to help me learn how to walk with Jesus, and I’ve been on that road for 30 years now because he did.

Jeff was a man of the few.

He taught at our youth group, and led from the front, but his heart wasn’t in the many; it was in the few. Jeff believed in going deep and that disciples could not be mass-produced. That meant that discipleship and ministry would require time, depth, sacrifice, and attention. These are the gifts he gave me.

Jeff started coming over to my house in the very early mornings to help me go deep with God. He taught me how to study the Bible, share my faith, fight sin, memorize scripture, and pour into others. 

I am who I am today in my forties because of the faithfulness of a man when I was a teenager.

Many have preached to me; few poured into me. I am grateful for Jeff including me as one of his few.

The older I get, and the longer I serve Jesus, the more those early lessons of discipleship rise up in my heart.

I want to be a man of the few.
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We live in a world of influencers; those whose opinions and preferences shape who we are. However, this is often only on the surface level. Influence is easy, but imparting the heart of Jesus from one life to another is hard. 

I don’t want to be an influencer; I want to be a discipler. I want to be a man who helps shape other men for the future that God has for them. Like Jeff, I want to find the few. 

This is a decision every man must make. Will we be men who appease the crowds, or men who go deep with a few?

Robert Coleman clarifies this choice well. 

"We must decide where we want our ministry to count, in the momentary applause of popular recognition or in the reproduction of our lives in a few chosen people who will carry on our work after we have gone."

Jesus preached to the crowds, but He poured into the core.
Find the few.
Jesus had a ministry of deliverance, but His mission was discipleship.
Find the few.
Jesus revealed Himself to His generation, but reserved His heart for the remnant.
Find the few. 

When Jesus rose from the dead, He didn’t go to Rome, confront the high priest, or appear to the world at large. Jesus went and found the few.

The few who would be loyal unto death.
The few who would embody His heart.
The few who would take His message to the end of the earth.

The truth is, only a handful of men in this world will be given large platforms and popular recognition. Trying to be one of those is a waste of time. 

But every man can make a difference in the life of a few. 

You don’t need a bunch of followers, money, success, or recognition to shape the future. Just find a few people willing to go all in and give yourself to them. 

The next men’s movement is not going to be about the masses and the media. It’s going to be about depth and discipleship. 

God is raising up spiritual fathers who will find the few.

You don't need a whole men's ministry; you just need a couple of men.
You don't need to host an event; you can just create space at your table.
You don’t need to get attention; you need to give attention to the few the Lord will give you.

We have all been moved by the St. Crispin’s Day speech given by King Henry V to his troops before the Battle of Agincourt on St. Crispin’s Day...

From this day to the ending of the world,

But we in it shall be remember’d.

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;

For he today that sheds his blood with me

Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,

This day shall gentle his condition:

And gentlemen in England now a-bed

Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,

And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks

That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

A band of brothers isn’t built on the masses. It isn’t built on cultural banter.
It’s built with a few men who will bleed together, go deep together, fight for each other’s hearts, and be faithful for the long haul.

Who are your chosen few?
Who is Jesus giving you to love, serve, and develop?
It’s time to build that band of brothers.

May God give you the grace to be a man of the few.
May your fruit show up on other people’s trees; the fruit of love, belief, and hope for the generation to come.

Here to find the few.

Cheers.

Jon.

P.S.- If you want to build your brotherhood but don’t know where to start, why not grab a copy of Fighting Shadows with a couple of other men and start going deep.You have a few more days to take advantage of the buy one, get one free offer. Check it out HERE, and let’s start finding the few.

the danger of dry eyes

During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, He offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverent submission.

Hebrews 5:7

I am writing this email from an airport in Scotland. 

I am traveling home from The Hebrides Revival Conference in Stornoway, Scotland.

God came down in power.

It’s hard to put into words the sense of reverence and awe we experienced there. To be honest, we didn’t know how to handle or sustain the potency of the presence of God we encountered on Saturday and Sunday night. We touched something, but couldn’t hold it.

It was a glorious overwhelming.

I can understand how Blaise Pascal famously wrote in his own testimony…

"Joy, joy, joy, tears of joy."

One of the highlights of my time was being prayed over by one of the men from the 1949-52 revival in his native Gaelic tongue. His heart has been basking in the wonder of Jesus' presence for over 70 years, and as he prayed, tears flowed down my cheeks.

When he finished praying, he looked up and said to me, 

"Ah, the tears; I know God is at work when the tears come."

We need more tears on the cheeks of this generation.
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Jesus wept on three occasions.

He wept at the death of Lazarus, a friend that He loved.
He wept over Jerusalem, the city that rejected Him.
He wept in the garden, tears mingled with blood at the cost of the cross (Heb 5:7).

A man who weeps for the world is a gift to the world. 

If God is at work when the tears come, I am asking for more tears.

Christine Valters Paintner notes, 

"In the Eastern Orthodox tradition, the sacrament of confession is sometimes called the "Mystery of the Second Baptism." The ones who truly confess are baptized again in their own tears, symbolizing the in-breaking of truth and freedom."

We need to be baptized again; baptized in our own tears.

Tears of repentance.
Tears of joy.
Tears of heartache.
Tears of love.

We know about the baptism in water, a declaration of our salvation.
We know about the baptism of the Holy Spirit, our source for power.
But so few know about the baptism of tears.

I am praying God breaks your heart this week.

I am praying that He opens your heart to His heart.

I am asking that you weep for the spiritual death all around you and the rejection of the gospel by this generation. I’m asking that you would be willing to weep at what it will cost you as a disciple to do something about it.

Isaac of Nineveh, one of the desert fathers, wrote,

He who is aware of his sins is greater than one who can raise the dead.

Whoever can weep over himself for one hour is greater than the one who is able to teach the whole world; whoever recognizes the depth of his own frailty is greater than the one who sees visions of angels. 

Our generation doesn’t need men with more content. It needs men with more tears.

May God have mercy on our dry eyes, and may rivers of tears flow again.

Hope to see you at the altar.

Cheers.

Jon.

judgment, mercy, and the men we need

"Human history is the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."

C.S. Lewis

"Every great movement of God can be traced to a kneeling figure."

D.L Moody

Whenever you talk about the judgment of God, it makes people nervous.

There is a legitimate cause for this.

So often, the least loving people show up at the worst times, interjecting a theology of judgment in the midst of heartache and pain.

Who can forget the talk about God's judgment on America after 9/11?
Who can forget the cries of judgment on New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina for the "sins of Mardi Gras?"
Who can forget the explanation of COVID-19 as a judgment on a godless world?

I have a robust theology of judgment. 
I believe God can, does, and will judge sin. 
I just think it looks different than we think it should. 

Jesus said we should take the log out of our own eyes before we judge others.
Paul asked, "What job is it of mine to judge the world?"
Peter said, "Judgment must begin in the house of God."

The judgment of God rarely comes how we expect.

One of the clearest examples of this is found in Isaiah 3. Read these verses closely, and you see the explicit, systematic judgment of God on his people. Don’t just skim this; sit with it. It's revelatory. Rather than cataclysmic weather events or wasting disease, it’s a judgment of withdrawal.

(1) See now, the Lord, the LORD Almighty, is about to take from Jerusalem and Judah both supply and support: all supplies of food and all supplies of water,

(2) the hero and the warrior, the judge and the prophet, the diviner and the elder,

(3) the captain of fifty and the man of rank, the counselor, skilled craftsman, and clever enchanter.

(4) "I will make mere youths their officials; children will rule over them."

(5) People will oppress each other— man against man, neighbor against neighbor. The young will rise up against the old, the nobody against the honored.

(6) A man will seize one of his brothers in his father’s house, and say, "You have a cloak, you be our leader; take charge of this heap of ruins!"

When a society moves away from God and puts its trust in the wrong things, God will judge that society. He does this by stripping away those with the capacity to lead.

The judgment of God is the removal of the help of God.

God takes support and supply; His response and His resources. 
God takes the hero, the warrior; those who can fight.
He takes the prophet and judge; those who can discern. 
He takes the men of capacity and the captains of rank.
He takes the counselor; those with wisdom.
He takes the craftsmen; those who can build.
God removes those who can help.

Then something shocking happens.

Children rule over society.
The nobody over the honorable.
Oppression and opposition. 

And what’s the result?

Children ruling over the rubble and remains of a broken world.
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When I think about the secular culture we live in today, I see the judgment of God everywhere I look.

We have a crisis of leadership; so few worth following.
We have a crisis of character; so few with integrity, 
We have a crisis of capacity; so few with ability.
We have a crisis of discernment; so few with wisdom.

We live in a world where the fools think they are wise, we have deconstructed everything, and the narcissists are fighting over rubble. We are installing the subjective feelings of children as the highest form of wisdom in the land.

I doubt the secular culture knew that when it sought to remove God from society, it would remove the source of its strength, capacity, leadership, and favor.

This is a grim and heartbreaking analysis. But I have seen another pattern over the years, both in God’s Word and His work in the world.

Whenever God is getting ready for revival and renewal, He will restore godly men.

He will bring back the hero and warrior; those who know how to fight.
He will bring back the prophet and the judge; those who can discern.
He will increase men’s capacity, and captains will emerge.
Counselors will appear and craftsmen will arrive. 
Watchmen will appear on the wall.

Could the rumblings amongst the men of this generation be the foreshock of a great restoration He is bringing through a move of God among men?
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Those of you who know me know I have three real passions in ministry:

(1)  Renewing secular culture through the gospel
(2)  Working to raise up men
(3)  Prayer and revival

People often wonder how these things fit together in life, and at times, I have as well.

About a year or so ago, a friend of mine, Darren Rouanzoin, came and preached at our church. Between services, we went down to Fulton Street, where the Businessman’s Revival began in 1857.

While we were there, he gave me a prophetic word that pulled the pieces of my life together in a powerful moment. He said something to this effect,

"The reason I think you have a heart for men is because of what happened in this city. The great move of God in 1857 wasn’t a pastor’s revival or a church planting revival; it was a businessmen’s revival. I think God is pulling these themes of your life together. Raising up men to pray for revival and then moving them out to renew the culture is at the heart of the history of this city. I think God wants to do it again."

Praying men. Revived men. Renewing men.

This is not just something stirring in me; I see rumblings everywhere.

While preaching around the US and talking about Fighting Shadows, I was marked by the hunger and stirring for more in the hearts of men today.

Men want more than managing decline.
More than lukewarm faith.
More than passive participation. 
More than sin management.
More than a distant and disappointed God. 

Here was the most hopeful picture of the trip. It was taken during ministry time at The Well Church in Salt Lake City.

God's stirring the heart of the next generation, the current generation, and previous generations like never before.

I see…

Teenage guys meeting before school to pray for their friends.
Retired men meeting at diners to pray for their communities.
Dads getting up early to pray for their families.
A new generation of men emerging in the marketplace who want more than money, status, and success.

I obviously believe God wants to use women in all this, and I believe Mary of Bethany was the best disciple Jesus had.

Yet, I am seeing a cloud on the horizon, and it’s the size of a man's fist.

I am resolved to be a part of a godly restoration in our time.

A time when Jesus is worshipped.
A time when leaders can be trusted.
A time when men fight for what matters.
A time when wisdom is honored.
A time when favor is restored.

God removes men in judgment and restores them in revival.

Take heart, men; God may be moving you into place right now.

You don’t have to fight for influence in the ruins of our culture. God is calling you as a remnant of rebuilders.

Yes, it’s a time of judgment, but it is also a time when mercy may triumph over it.

Praying men. Revived men. Renewing men.

I’m here for that.

Keep pressing in; the cloud is on the horizon.

Cheers.

Jon.

the only 3 options we have as men

Help, LORD, for the godly man ceases!

For the faithful disappear from among the sons of men.
Psalm 12:1

“We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise.
We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst.”
-C.S. Lewis

To be honest, I never expected to have a ministry dedicated to discipling men.

I was about to launch a cultural apologetics ministry when I had a dinner with Pete Greig, and that changed my life.

I had just finished The Primal Path with my son Nathan and returned from hiking the Camino de Santiago across Spain. He asked me what I planned to do with all I had learned.

“Plan to do? I have no real plans, mate,” I replied.

“What you did for your son wasn’t just for him,” Pete said. “I think it was for a generation of Fathers and Sons. You have to do something with it.”

And just like that, the Primal Path went from a file on my computer to something I launched into the world.

But I kept hearing the same feedback from dads as they took their sons through it.

“No one taught me any of this.”

“I feel like I need someone to do this with me before I do this with my son.”

“Do you have a Primal Path thing for men?”

That’s where a vision to serve men was born.

We need to serve men because there is an often-overlooked crisis among men today.

At a recent Kinsman event, I had the honor of participating on a panel with Richard Reeves, author of Of Boys and Men. As he discussed the reality of how men are doing in the world, I struggled to hold back tears.

Here are a few of the stats he shared from his book:

• 5% of men under thirty say they don’t have a single close friend. It was 3% in 1990. Two-thirds of them say that no one knows them very well.

• The suicide rate of men in their twenties just overtook the rate of men in their fifties. It's now the highest of any demographic in the US

• The US loses 40,000 men a year to suicide. That’s about the same number of women we lose each year to breast cancer (a horrible disease)

• The suicide rate of men is four times higher than women. It has risen by a third in young men just since 2010

• 23% of boys in K-12 age have been diagnosed with a developmental disability

• Men today who don’t have a college degree earn less than most men did in the 1970’s

• 40% of children are born outside of marriage. That’s a quadrupling since the 70’s

While he was sharing this, I wondered where men can actually get together in our modern world to talk about the issues they are facing in their hearts.

The workplace is inappropriate, the church is often indifferent, and the home is a place where men often don’t want to burden their families.

That brings me to today…

When it comes to the issues men are facing, we really have three options.

(1)  Pretend nothing is wrong

(2)  Do nothing

(3)  Try to help

And for the last few years, that’s what Jefferson Bethke and I have tried to do.

To help.

We have had the honor of a lifetime of walking alongside men who deal with shame, heartache, insecurity, and sin. It's been amazing to watch them find freedom, dignity, community, and a vision of God's love.

After processing the things we have learned along the way, it felt like another moment much like the one I had with Pete Greig. It felt like the stuff we had worked on needed to leave the hard drives and make it into the hearts of men. 

So, sitting around a fire in Vermont two years ago at a retreat we were hosting, we felt called to write a book.

But we didn’t want to write a book for the sake of writing a book. We wanted to write a book that would help men.

A book that would name the things they are wrestling with and don’t often have a space to share. A book that would shine the light of truth into the darkness of lies that so many of us believe. A book that would get men talking about the deep stuff in their hearts and move them beyond sports and banter to the stuff that keeps them up at night.

After a couple of years and a lot of work, that book comes out today.

Here is our dream…

We want to normalize men being vulnerable and open about the wars they fight within.

The war with loneliness.

The war with futility.

The war with lust.

The war with ambition.

The war with apathy.

The war with despair.

The war with shame.

We are asking God for a movement of men who break out of passivity, apathy, and the feeling that nothing can change into the grace and life that Jesus offers—a life of meaning, love, significance, and joy—a life that leads them out of the darkness and into the light.

Jesus promised, "Whoever follows me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”

We want to help a generation of men become what God has called them to become.

Men like Jesus.

We would be honored if you would help us.

Maybe you need a fresh vision of hope for change in your own life.

Maybe you know someone who could use a biblical vision of how to be a man amid the cultural chaos.

Maybe you want to grab a group of men and process things together.

We would be honored to play a role in your journey of freedom and formation.

You can pick up a copy of our book today, and I would be grateful if you would help get the word out to men who need it (and the women who love them).

You can grab a copy here at Amazon.

Listen here on Spotify.

Grab an audio version here on Audible.

Get a copy here at Barnes and Noble.

Or here at Christianbook.com.

I hope you know how grateful I am for all of you who take the time to read this each week, and I hope I can continue to be helpful.

It’s a joy to do this with you.

Cheers.

Jon.

the number one question men are asking around the country...

 My wife married a man; I saw no reason why she should inherit a baby.

Steinbeck

The student, when fully trained, will be like the master.

Jesus

Over the last few weeks, I have been speaking to men around the US with some of the themes from our new book Fighting Shadows.

It's been a real privilege and a very rare opportunity to get a fresh perspective on the state of men’s hearts around the nation. From seeing teenagers weep at the altar, asking God to help them rise above the anxiety and addictions of their generation, to older men starting to dream that God is not done with them yet, it’s been an honor and a gift.

We need more men in the world who think, act, and love like Jesus. It's deeply encouraging to see how God is calling and forming them in heart-stirring ways. 

One of the highlights of these times has been the formal Q&A sessions and the informal conversations in the lobbies while milling around afterward. The late-night hangs have also been legendary. 

You can learn a lot about what is on the hearts of men by the questions they ask. Here are a sample of some of the most interesting ones:

"Does God see a Christian transgender man as a son of God or daughter of God?"

"Why do we have to talk about men and women? Why can’t we just talk about Jesus?"

"Is there even such a thing as biblical masculinity, or is that just a term evangelicals use to maintain male control in the church?"

*Quick note: how would you answer these questions? :)

However, one underlying theme is below the surface of all these questions.

How can I actually become a godly man?

There is a lot to wrestle with here. How much of Jewish and Greco-Roman culture and customs should we leave or carry over into the modern world? How much validity should Christians give to modern sociology and gender theory? What constitutes a timeless biblical command for men verses a culturally conditioned stereotype for them?

There is a lot of back and forth and different perspectives on all these issues. Some are helpful and a needed discussion for sure, but this isn’t the main thing really driving men’s hearts. 

It seems that men need more than perspective on what makes a man; they need permission to become one.

They need someone to tell them that it's actually okay to become the man God is calling them to be deep in their hearts. All the controversy seems to have robbed men of confidence and convictions about how to live and function well in the world.

They don’t want to be Andrew Tate. They don’t want to be apathetic.

So, what can we do? Here is my basic response:

Be the man God is calling you to be. Put your effort into formation, not opinion.

You don’t need permission from the culture to pursue Jesus, and you don’t need an online doctrinal statement to be devoted to Christ. Formation comes in the radical pursuit of a godly life, not endless speculation and debate about meta-masculine theory. 

I think of that quote by Marcus Aurelius all the time. It hangs on the wall just outside my office. 

"Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one."

So, to repeat what I have written before, if you are relying on the culture to try to understand what a man is, you will be deeply confused. Modern society is so at war with itself that it can’t even decide on a definition of a man, let alone form them in a healthy way. 

So much time is spent on debate, defense, argumentation, legislation, and commentary, yet so little of it is helpful. It seems that the casualties of our culture war are men themselves. 

The truth is this: how you live is what you believe; everything else is just talk. 

If your opinion is stronger than your character, close your mouth and let your character catch up to your rhetoric. Talk is cheap; growth is costly. Debating an article is easy; defeating your own self-destructing patterns is a war.  

Are you wasting time arguing with others when you should be working on yourself?

If you have a vision of what a good man should be…be one.
If you have a vision of what a good Dad should be…be one.
If you have a vision of what a good friend should be…be one.
If you have a vision of what a loving husband should be…be one.
If you have a vision of what a hardworking man should be…be one.

Silence the arguments of our culture with your life. 

Be the dad your kids need from you. The most important thing is not what the culture says about fathers but about the kind of father you are. The most important thing is not what the culture says a normal family is; it’s that you love, serve, and sacrifice to make your family what God has called it to be.

Be the healthy male figure in your world.
Be the servant leader in your community.
Be the safe man women can trust without fear of coercion.
Be gentle in a world of aggression.
Be kind in a world of cruelty.
Be wise in a world of fools.
Be just in a world of tyrants.
Be disciplined in a culture of excess.
Be faithful in a world of compromise.
Be loving in a world of hate.
Be hopeful in a time of despair.
Be proactive in a world of passivity.

How you live is what you believe; everything else is just talk. Your life is your argument about manhood. Work on that. 

Jesus didn’t spend much time arguing about what a messiah was; He just loved, sacrificed, taught, confronted, and saved the world. He didn’t debate, He did. He was one.

The answer to the deep question men are asking is "yes."

You have permission to pursue becoming a godly man.

Get after it with humility, love, and grace.

With you in the radical pursuit.

Cheers.

Jon.

building a brotherhood

 "The making of friends, who are real friends, is the best token we have of a man’s success in life."

Edward Everett Hale

Men are lonely today. 

You probably feel this, too.

The earlier days of easy connections are over for most guys. Our college friends moved away, the guys at work are busy with their own stuff, and men at church are living their own lives. You can be left without a community of men to be challenged and encouraged by.

Men are not meant to do life alone.
A man will not thrive on shallow connections.
Men were made for a brotherhood.

Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

Yet, how do you go about finding brothers born for adversity?

Society will not hand you a community of friends.
Churches will try but not always succeed in connecting you to a crew of men.
The truth is, if you want a brotherhood, you will have to build one.

This is definitely easier said than done. 

So, how can you go about building a brotherhood?

Here are some key steps to empower you to identify, create, build, and scale a lifegiving community of men. This will not be easy, but it will be worth it.

PRAY
One of the secrets of a godly man’s life is that he channels his frustrations to God in prayer. God wants to hear what’s in our hearts. King David poured out his frustration, joy, and needs before God with total abandon. You should, too. Pray God’s Word back to Him.

“Lord, You said it was our love that defines us as Your disciples. Help me form a community of brotherhood to learn to love well.”

“Lord, You said You place the lonely in families. I am asking You would stir the hearts of the men around me to build a family of faith.”

“Lord, stir the hearts of the men around me to see You and want to become mature disciples. Create an ache for a brotherhood around me.”

Committing things to God in prayer will lay a foundation of confidence and expectation and give you biblical hope, not wishful thinking that things will change.

TAKE INITIATIVE
You have three real choices about your loneliness.

(1)  Do nothing and be lonely
(2)  Complain that nothing exists
(3)  Build it

Take the third option. Resolve in your heart that you will build the community of men you want to be a part of. This is 50% of the battle, and when you step out, you will find something amazing. Other men have been waiting for something like this. Men long to be in spaces created for them, spaces where they can open up without judgment and deal with the stuff going on in their hearts. Make the decision and start planning.

CLARIFY THE VISION
Men need purpose. The group will fizzle out or fail to launch if the reason behind it isn’t clear. Men are busy; they need a reason to prioritize something. So, cast a vision for why the group needs to exist. It can’t be “we are lonely.” It needs to be bigger than that. Here are a few examples:

-We will fight our own apathy and reach our full redemptive potential as men.
-Belong, build, burn, become.
-We are going to pursue the fullness of what Jesus offers.

-Fighting for a full inheritance.

You get the idea, but it needs to be about calling men to reach their full redemptive potential and fight the things holding them back.

FIND THE HUNGRY
Begin to look around at some of the guys you know and see who is looking for change. You can drop hints, ask outright, or grab a few guys you know are keen. It's better for things to start small and potent than big and watered down. Don’t worry about how many show up, just focus on delivering on the mission and providing community. Word will spread over time.

MAKE IT PRACTICAL
The sporadic will be doomed from the start. A man needs something to prioritize for it to happen. Pick a time, place, and frequency for how you get together.

One thought to consider is how this will impact the families (if they have them) of the men in the group. What’s the best time a man can be fully present without worrying about his wife getting angry he isn’t around or slacking in his other responsibilities?

GO DEEP
John Eldridge talks about the three layers of the human heart. 

The Shallows, The Midlands, and The Depths.

THE SHALLOWS
This is banter. It's weather talk, sports talk, blog talk, and book talk. It's not wrong, it's just shallow. Men are most comfortable in the shallows, but transformation rarely happens there.

THE MIDLANDS
These are the problems and issues of our lives. A son is struggling in school. Your daughter is getting bullied and left out by a group of girls. Work is stressful. This stuff is meaningful but reactive. Its problem-focused, not vision pursuing.

THE DEPTHS
This is the deep stuff of the heart. This is where wounds, disappointment, frustration, dreams, and fears live. These are the deep motivations behind our actions that control and drive us.

GET TO THE DEPTHS at all costs. This is where true transformation happens.
This is where a man gets healed and empowered. This is where the river of life is unblocked and renewed.

KEEP IT SIMPLE
Complexity is the enemy of execution. Focus on the functional, not the fancy. It would be amazing to rent a private cigar bar and have a pour-over coffee station catered for each meeting, but you don’t need that.

You can meet at 6 a.m. in a man’s garage with some fold-out chairs, at 8 p.m. around a firepit in a backyard, or pack out some Chick-fil-A booths and make it work.

Make the format simple. Pick a framework and work it. Here are a couple of samples: 

DID YOU BLESS YOUR REALM THIS WEEK?
Family
Work
Church
Community

12 CORE WORDS
WORK and KEEP (how you are doing at work/job)
LORD and KINGDOM (honor and loyalty to Jesus)
NOURISH and CHERISH (how you are treating your wife)
TRAIN and INSTRUCT (how you are doing raising your kids)
ENEMY and NEIGHBOR (how you are practically loving others)
GLORIFY and ENJOY (how you are living from joy)

CORE
Confession (sin)
Others (who are you loving towards Jesus?)
Reading (what are you getting out of the Word?)
Encouragement (where are you taking steps towards your God-given calling?)

READ A BOOK AND PROCESS TOGETHER
The 7 shadows in Fighting Shadows by Jefferson and me are an excellent place to start because they touch on core themes that most guys wrestle with.

SHOW UP FOR EACH OTHER
You are trying to build a brotherhood—a group of guys who will burn, bleed, and build with you. You need to make yourself vulnerable and accessible to these men over time. You also need to help each other in real life. Think of it more like a sponsor in AA than a Bible study relationship. 

Help each other's families.
Help each other move.
Help each other financially.
Help raise your kids together.
Do stuff in the real world that makes a difference. 

CELEBRATE PROGRESS
Men's stuff can be awkward. It can take time for men to open up, or conversely, men emotionally vomit because of how much pent-up stuff they have. Keep moving forward and celebrate what God is doing in your midst. Expect turbulence, buckle up, and fly on.

DO THE OCCASIONAL UNREASONABLE AND EPIC STUFF
Do stuff. Big stuff. Potent stuff. Historic stuff. Once in a while, go full send.
Chip in and renovate a single mother's home. Create a scholarship fund and send fifty kids to summer camp courtesy of your group. Pay for a whole gospel to be translated to an unreached people group. Buy tablets for a struggling school. 
Just get beyond yourself. Find the biggest problems in your community and start chipping away at them. 

Be men for others.

You never know how a small, committed group of men can impact the world. 

TAKE HEART
All around the world, we are seeing a movement of men leaving the shadows and heading into the light. These men are taking the initiative to build a brotherhood and become all Jesus has called them to be.

You are not alone in this venture. Jesus promised “to be with us always.” The Father is for you, and the Spirit within you.

You may have a ton of questions or objections, but I don’t want to hear them. 
Risk, experiment, and figure it out. To quote Marcus Aurelius,

'Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.'

Be a man who builds a brotherhood for the good of the world. 

Pray.
Take initiative.
Clarify the vision.
Find the hungry.
Make it practical.
Go deep.
Keep it simple.
Show up for each other.
Celebrate progress.
Do the occasional unreasonable and epic stuff.

Go.

Cheers.

Jon.

how to build an inner fortress

"Acquire a peaceful spirit, and thousands around you will find salvation."

St. Seraphim of Sarov

We live in a fearful and anxious age. 

Most men don’t talk about it much, but most of us feel it in our hearts.

Fear speaks to all the immediate issues and concerns in front of us; anxiety to the coming challenges that haunt our future. 

And it does not seem like things are going to get easier. 

The rise of war, political elections on the horizon, inflation, AI and our own dehumanization, changing job markets, and rising despair. If we are not careful, our hearts can be overwhelmed with the cares of this age.

The great comfort and promise of our faith, though, is that we do not need peaceful external circumstances to have a peaceful spirit. We are not subject to cultural conditions that dictate our spiritual position.

We have been granted an inner well to draw from in a cultural desert and an inner life to sustain us while those around us wither. The promise is not just that we will have inner peace but that we will have Christ Himself within us, the hope of glory.

But learning to look within, while others are drawn outward, is something the soul has to learn. A man will have to master many things in his life, but none more important than discipling his attention. 

If we look outward with the world, all we will see is crisis and dismay.
If we look outward with the world, we will be caught in the anxious present.
If we look outward, our hearts will be weighed down with the cares of this life.

DISCIPLED BY DAVID
In Psalm 27, King David’s outer life is in chaos. 

Over the course of his life, David faced betrayal from his family, opposition from Saul, and threats from the enemy. Yet, David had learned the most important lesson of all: how to build an inner fortress no one else can touch. Psalm 27 is the key. Read these words slowly. 

Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me, even then I will be confident.
One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.

Many of us feel besieged these days.

Besieged by political correctness.
Besieged by secular ideologies.
Besieged by financial pressure.
Besieged by relational stress. 

Inwardly, though, we can thrive despite this all. David knew the key.

Dwell. Gaze. Inquire.

DWELL
…that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life

All of us have a choice as to where we locate our hearts. We set a base that we move in and out from. Sometimes, we are tossed to and fro by the issues pressing in on us, or we drift along with the cultural tides and events that happen to us. David set his mind to be rooted and grounded in his relationship with God.

We are called to make our hearts His temple and our lives His home.

GAZE
…to gaze on the beauty of the LORD 

Mary Oliver said, “Attention is the beginning of devotion.”

The goal is to learn to live a sacramental life. Sacramental means to keep the sacred (sacra) in mind (mental).

In The Pursuit of God, A.W. Tozer has a chapter called “The Gaze of the Soul.”
He talks about the wonder and possibility of living life on two levels: the outer level of human activity and the inner level of communion with God. He writes,

“A new set of eyes (so to speak) will develop within us enabling us to be looking at God while our outward eyes are seeing the scenes of this passing world.”

He talks about the liberating power of an inner gaze like this. 

Looking is of the heart and can be done successfully by any man standing up or kneeling down or lying in his last agony a thousand miles from any church. Since believing is looking it can be done any time. No season is superior to another season for this sweetest of all acts. God never made salvation depend upon new moons nor holy days or sabbaths. A man is not nearer to Christ on Easter Sunday than he is, say, on Saturday, August 3, or Monday, October 4. As long as Christ sits on the mediatorial throne every day is a good day and all days are days of salvation.

INQUIRE
…and to inquire in his temple.

God offers to give us wisdom when we ask. We don’t just worship in His presence; we gain wisdom in His presence.

He gives us insights into complex decisions.
Breakthrough when we need provision.
Warns us when we are in danger.
Power to make us stronger.

When we look inward, we see the finished work of Christ.
When we look inward, we see the spirit of adoption.
When we look inward, we see the Father's lavish love.

Look inward, friends.

Dwell. Gaze. Inquire. 

BUILDING THE INNER FORTRESS
To lead in the world today, you will need a secret source of peace—one that does not depend on the comfort or certainties of the world. This is what God offers you with His love. Ask God for grace to build a fortress within. Create space in your day to turn your heart to Him. And may what St Seraphim said be true of you—that your peaceful spirit will lead this anxious generation to our God of peace. 

Here is some fuel for an inner life of peace.
_________________________________

In Today’s Newsletter

• Verses to memorize on peace

• Quotes to ponder

• My favorite books on peace

• Music for instant calm

• A couple of poems about peace

• Movies to cultivate peace

__________________________________

VERSES

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. 
Isaiah 26:3 

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.
2 Thessalonians 3:16

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:9

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.
Psalms 4:8 
___________________________________

QUOTES

“We enter into solitude first of all to meet our Lord and to be with Him and Him alone. Only in the context of grace can we face our sin; only in the place of healing do we dare to show our wounds; only with a single-minded attention to Christ can we give up our clinging fears and face our own true nature. Solitude is a place where Christ remodels us in his own image and frees us from the victimizing compulsions of the world.”
Henri Nouwen

"I have never known more than fifteen minutes of anxiety or fear. Whenever I feel fearful emotions overtaking me, I just close my eyes and thank God that He is still on the throne reigning over everything, and I take comfort in His control over the affairs of my life."
John Wesley

"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing."
C. S. Lewis

“I could hear an inner voice saying to me, ‘Martin Luther, stand up for truth. Stand up for justice. Stand up for righteousness.’”
(The quiet voice of peace at the kitchen table that enables Dr King to contend for change in the Civil Rights Movement)

"While you are proclaiming peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart."
Francis of Assisi
____________________________________

BOOKS

Holy Noticing by Charles Stone
This book has some amazing research in it, but more than that, it helps you learn to pay attention to what God is doing around you. A way to find peace in the presence, filled with great processing tools.

Many today think mindfulness is dangerous, unchristian, or associated with Eastern religions—and often it is! But Dr. Charles Stone reveals that the art of holy noticing—purposefully paying attention to God as he works in us, our relationships, and our world—is a spiritual discipline Christians have practiced for millennia. Holy Noticing explores the historically Christian and biblical roots of this lifestyle, as well as Dr. Stone’s BREATHe model, which teaches you to be more engaged with Christ in the everyday moments that too often slip right by us.

The Attentive Life by Leighton Ford

I read this book during Covid, and it was an incredible gift. I love the vision of walking with God over the course of a day.

Your attention, please. That's what God wants, Leighton Ford discovered. It's the path to becoming like Christ. Distractions, fear and busyness were keeping Ford from seeing God's work in and around him. He was missing God. So he began a journey of longing and looking for God. And it started with paying attention. In these pages, he invites you to journey with him. Using the rich monastic tradition of praying the hours, Ford will walk with you, helping you pay attention to God's work in you and around you throughout each day and in different seasons of your life. If you're busy, distracted, rushing through each day, you might be feeling disconnected from God, unable to see how he's working. You might be missing him. But the way toward him starts with a pause and a prayer―with intention and attention―and becomes a way of life, awake and alive to the peaceful, powerful presence of God.
_____________________________________

MUSIC

These albums will bring a sense of instant calm. I have these albums on for study, contemplation, and prayer walking around the city.

Calm, Vol. 4 by Somnoscape
Just the right amount of instrumentation in here.
Premonition is beautiful.

Liminal by Be Still The Earth
Atmospheric soundscapes. But done right.
Disappearing, Then Taking Shape is a gem.

Moon Balloon by Be Still The Earth
Atmospheric soundscapes. But done right again.
A Blanket of Stars is magic.

Sleep Scenes Volume 3-Eventide by Dear Gravity
Like William Augusto, but better.
Vagary is gold.
_____________________________________

POEMS

The Peace of Wild Things by Wendell Berry

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Mountains by Adam Zagajewski

When night draws near
the mountains are clear and pure 
—like a philosophy student 
before exams. 

Clouds escort the dark sun 
to the shaded avenue’s end 
and slowly take their leave, 
but no one cries.

Look, look greedily, 
when dusk approaches, 
look insatiably, 
look without fear.
_____________________________________

MOVIES

Perfect Days
This movie haunted me. There is no other way to say it. It’s a slow burn without a bang ending. However, it had a profound lingering effect on me. It made me want to slow down, live in the grace and peace of daily blessings, and cultivate gratitude. 

It’s a story about a middle-aged man who cleans toilets in Tokyo but finds contentment in the small blessings of everyday life. Hard to describe, but it hits deep.

Past Lives
This is a movie about having to fight for peace in the midst of all the “what ifs” and “what could have been” in life. It deals with the tension of the immigrant experience and what it means to find love and home. Thought-provoking.

Cheers.

Jon.

becoming an interruptible man

"Believing that life interruptions — divine interruptions — are a privilege not only causes us to handle them differently but to await them eagerly."

Priscilla Shirer

"You know, my whole life I have been complaining that my work was constantly interrupted, until I discovered that my interruptions were my work."

Henri Nouwen (commenting on what an older mentor said to him)

One of the great tragedies of modern life is the violent pace at which we are required to live. Almost every man I meet is scheduled to the hilt, with calendars in which every nook and cranny is filled with tasks. Our hours are like the stones of the wailing wall; even the tiniest crack is filled with prayers for more productivity.

As a result, we are constantly looking for ways to maximize our work and achieve balance, but this rarely works. We time block, deep work, sabbath, dumb phone, and prioritize ourselves to death, but in spite of all of the effort, it rarely seems to work. 

One of the great tragedies of this pressure is that it can create a sense of self-importance about our time. Our time is seen as a special possession, and only those we deem truly laudable can access this sacred commodity. It also creates a sense of power. We use our time as a way of controlling others. We block out those we deem unworthy and let through those who can advance our cause. 

All of this makes us weary and distorts our spiritual perspective. We use time as power, not a gift for others.

The psychologist Dacher Keltner studied the relationship between empathy and power and made a fascinating discovery. Empathy, equality, and generosity, the things that helped people accumulate power, began to fade out in the lives of those who became powerful. Our sense of self-importance can get inflated, and we unconsciously think of ourselves and our time as more valuable than others. We rate people on a value hierarchy and then grant them access accordingly.

How different from the ministry of Jesus. 

Jesus had more responsibility than you or I ever will. He was the literal savior of the world. Yet, Jesus was an interruptible man. The great tragedy of our time is not that we aren’t godly enough to be Jesus' disciples; we are just too busy.

Marcia Lebhar notes this about how Jesus used time:

"If you had slept in the same house or field with Jesus, awakened with Him, eaten with Him and helped Him, what would you have observed? One thing we always think of is that Jesus gave Himself almost entirely to what we would consider interruptions. Most of the teaching, healing and wonders we see in his life were responsive...seemingly unplanned. He trusted that what the Father allowed to cross his path was exactly that...from the Father. Jesus always seemed willing for things to get messy."

It has been pointed out that almost fifty percent of the miracles in the ministry of Jesus were interruptions, and many of the most compelling encounters with Christ were unplanned.

• The paralytic lowered through the roof was an interruption.

• Jairus’ daughter's healing was interrupted by an unclean woman’s issue of blood. (This is an interruption interrupting an interruption)

• The children brought to Jesus for blessing were an interruption.

• The Syrophoenician woman’s request for her daughter was an interruption.

• Zacchaeus in the tree was an interruption.

• The lepers being healed were an interruption.

• The sinful woman washing Jesus’ feet at Simon the Pharisee's house was an interruption.

If the disciples had been in charge of Jesus' ministry, many of the things we love about Him would never have happened.

Jesus would never have blessed the children.
Jesus would never have met the woman at the well.
Jesus would never have gone to the cross.

Thanks be to God that Jesus was an interruptible man. Because the truth is, the kingdom of heaven is interruptible by its very nature.

It’s grace interrupting shame.
Mercy interrupting judgment.
Love interrupting hate. 

I don’t want to be so scheduled, planned, and productive that I don’t have room for the divine interruptions that God wants to bring into my life. If we are not careful, there is a very real chance that we will. 

Missing out on kingdom moments doesn’t happen because of the big sins or scandals in our lives. It just gets choked out by the ordinary things. Those who missed the feast in Luke 14 were those dealing with normal things. New land, a new marriage, some oxen. 

I wonder where we are missing the kingdom all around us because there is no room in the soil of our lives.

C.S. Lewis reminds us, "The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day."

I have gotten so many things wrong in my parenting over the years. I’ve sometimes been harsh, driven, and distracted. However, in talking with my assistant, Danielle, she shared an interesting observation.

"The one thing I remember about how you raised your kids was that you always stopped and let your kids interrupt you. It didn’t matter what you were doing or what you were working on; if your kids came over, you stopped, gave them your attention, and made them feel seen."

This is not something I observed in myself, but it’s something I want to grow in.

I want to be an interruptible man.

Bonhoeffer, whose life was interrupted time and time again, wrote,

"We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God, who will thwart our plans and frustrate our ways time and again, even daily, by sending people across our path with their demands and requests. We can, then, pass them by, preoccupied with our important daily tasks, just as the priest - perhaps reading the Bible - passed by the man who had fallen among robbers. When we do that, we pass by the visible sign of the Cross raised in our lives to show us that God’s way, and not our own, is what counts."

Why not reframe interruptions as divine interventions this week?

God intervening to bring you His love.

God intervening so you can give love.

God intervening so you can intervene in the life of others.

May God give you grace to be an interruptible man.

I’m asking for it, too.

Cheers.

Jon.