the glory of being alone
"In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion."
Albert Camus
"Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself."
John 6:15
Blaise Pascal famously wrote,
"All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone."
One of the hardest things for men to learn to do well is to be alone.
For most men, the very word "alone" conjures up confusion and frustration.
We don’t know how to sit alone for five minutes without pulling out our phones to distract ourselves from ourselves—checking the headlines, the game, or the market.
But how is a failure to be alone the source of all of humanity's problems? Isn’t that a bit of an overstatement from Pascal?
Upon reflection, I don’t think so. The outer world is directed by the inner world.
If we have not given attention to our inner world, rightly ordered our loves, clarified our vision, and calibrated our ambition, we will simply react to the anxiety, fear, greed, and lust all around us.
We won’t live from an integrous center; we will react to the chaos we encounter. Being alone is the place we deal with our hearts and order our lives.
But that is easier said than done.
We all know the importance of "spending time with God" and the importance of "silence and solitude," but in my experience, although we know we should do these things, we don’t know how to do them well.
Paul Tillich unpacks the distinction and direction this should take.
"Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone."
We need men who will reclaim this glory of being alone.
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There is a fascinating verse in the Gospel of John about Jesus reclaiming the glory of being alone.
Jesus has fed the 5000, and the people are enamored with the possibility of Him becoming king. If He could feed 5000 people in a day, imagine what would happen if He seized the throne, overthrew the Romans, and established the kingdom. So, they seek to find Jesus and make Him king by force. How does Jesus respond? John 6:15 records it.
"Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make Him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by Himself."
By Himself.
These two words have much to teach us.
Jesus knew that there was an empowering and orienting source of life that came from being alone. As much as He loved the disciples and wanted to teach them, He needed space to be alone and retreat from them.
When we reflect on the times Jesus withdrew to be alone, we see it begins to take on a staggering importance in His ministry.
Jesus got alone early in the morning and received fresh ministry direction. (Mark 1:35)
Jesus got alone to confront temptation in the wilderness. (Luke 4:1-2)
Jesus got alone when they tried to force a kingdom on Him (John 6:15)
Jesus got alone to seek wisdom all night before He chose His disciples. (Luke 6:12)
Jesus withdrew to process and grieve the death of John the Baptist. (Matt 14:13)
Jesus got alone to lay out His heart before the Father in Gethsemane. (Luke 22:39-44)
Direction, confrontation, orientation, discernment, grieving, and surrender all came from being alone. If we want to raise a generation of men who can live from this kind of deep, rich, and glorious solitude, we are going to have to get good at being alone.
So, what do we learn from Jesus that can help us learn to recover the glory of being alone? What should we do when we are alone? Here are some observations to start.
WE HAVE TO BE ALONE WITH OURSELVES
We have to retreat from the world to know who we are. So often, we are coerced, shaped, shamed, obligated, pressured, and pushed by the demands of the crowd, the system, and the structures of our lives. We can end up just reacting to demands without knowing who we are, the calling we have, and the life we are called to live.
You have to get alone to ask questions like...
Who am I really?
What really matters to me?
What do I deeply value?
What do I truly love/hate?
How am I doing?
What forces are shaping me?
Do I have a solid and secure sense of self?
May Sarton wrote, "Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self." You need time alone to strengthen the true self that God has made you to be.
WE HAVE TO BE ALONE WITH OUR CALLING AND MISSION
We all have a unique call, and no two life missions are identical. Yet, in a world shaped by influencers, celebrities, and experts, we can fall into the trap of idolatry and imitation. We can also compare and compete with our reference groups, growing exhausted from trying to keep up or impress others.
We need to get alone to ask questions like...
Where is the Father working in my life, and how is He asking me to respond?
Who has God called me to love, and am I present to them?
Where is God at work in my workplace, and how am I available?
What am I saying 'yes' to that is someone else’s load to carry?
Where am I acting out of fear, obligation, or selfishness?
One of my mentors recently said to me, "No one will push you to do the priorities and calling of God on your life; they will only ask you to do the priorities of God for their life."
Time alone helps you live your story well.
WE HAVE TO BE ALONE WITH THE FATHER
God alone is our source of life. He is the One who chose us, called us, prepared good works for us, and works in us to will and to do His good pleasure. A vertical connection to Him ensures a horizontal orientation of passion and love.
We need to get alone to be with the Father to ask things like...
Is my identity as God's son real and true to me?
Am I operating out of a spirit of adoption or fear?
Is the Father's voice the loudest one in my life?
Do I have a secure sense of attachment to His love or false attachments to other loves?
What wisdom and direction do I need in this current season?
We so often struggle with mixed motives, addictive behaviors, and intrusive thoughts. But being alone with God gives us a place to process them.
Martin Buber said, "Solitude is the place of purification." So much of the lack of transformation and sanctification in our lives stems from the fact that we are too busy, distracted, and anxious to let God's work happen within us.
Time alone forces that loving confrontation.
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Einstein said, "Be a loner. That gives you time to wonder, to search for the truth. Have holy curiosity. Make your life worth living."
Wonder, truth, curiosity, meaning. That’s the glory that comes from being alone.
I take time each morning and evening to be alone, and I have a meeting with myself to review my week every Sunday night. The glory of being alone has kept my heart alive these past thirty years. The secret place is my secret source.
Here’s to the glory of being alone this week!
Cheers.
Jon.
P.S. - If you want to challenge yourself this week to experience the glory of being alone, I've created a quick guide to help you get started. Click on the button below to download it.
